Top 5 Rare Doomsday Scenarios (With More Validity Than 2012)
Christmas is nearly here, which means it’s time for a festive list about our supposed imminent destruction provided by the ancient Mayans and their penchant for vague extinction events! Erm… Happy Holidays!
While the rest of the world waits on baited breath, our extensive and scrutinizingly frightening knowledge of Rare‘s catalog has us seeing it as a bit of old-hat. Do you have any idea how many times Rare‘s villains have nearly ended the world after domination became too faux pas? Exactly five, it would seem, for the purposes of this list. Forget the Mayan’s outdated B’ak’tun cycle, this is the threat of global destruction done right; credible set-up, unsurmountable tension and a persistent clock counting down every squandered second: these are the Top 5 Rare Doomsday Scenarios (With More Validity Than 2012).
#5. MAYAN MISSILE MAYHEM – BATTLETOADS & DOUBLE DRAGON (NES, SNES, GAME BOY)
After her massive warship, the Colossus hatches from the lunar surface, the leather-clad Dark Queen hatches a plot of her own to establish global dominance on Earth with the help of her expendable minions. Armed and incredibly dangerous, the Colossus is soon targeted by the Battletoads who send shrapnel soaring with their tactical missiles and precision firing, revealing the ship to harbor a massive missile at its core. Her hopes of domination effectively quashed, the evil Dark Queen and her second-in-command, Robo-Manus hope to settle the score by piloting the Colossus missile into Earth, destroying it once and for all. It’s a race against the clock as the ‘Toads traverse the surface of the rocket, doing battle and casting its intended trajectory away from the planet to save the Earth from total annihilation!
#4. A SPECIAL OCCASION FOR AN ALIEN INVASION EVASION – CAPTAIN SKYHAWK (NES)
The Earth is a treasure trove of natural and sought-after resources, so it comes as no surprise that an advanced race of gormandizing extra-terrestrials should begin leeching the planet dry. Constructing four elaborate bases on the earths surface in secret, the hostile invaders hope to harvest enough energy to fuel a massive laser cannon aboard their Mother Ship. If they are successful, the laser cannon will unleash its accumulative payload from space, vaporizing the planet Earth in a single quantified blast. Providing the whole of humanity just a few days to spare before its imminent doomsday, all eyes turn to the eponymous Captain Skyhawk and the newly designed F-14VTS Fighter Jet. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, The Captain is tasked with using his fight and flight skill to take on the Mother Ship before it’s too late…
#3. IT’S A REAL NUCLEAR ARMS RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK – BLAST CORPS. (N64)
During the transport of two defective nuclear missiles en route to a disposal facility, a major malfunction sees the unstoppable carrier traveling well off the beaten path with its volatile payload ready to detonate at the slightest niggle. The Blast Corps. are tasked with with leveling entire evacuated cities and demolishing anything that might cross paths with the chaotic carrier. While this unimaginable bit of destruction is rather difficult to picture in a grand scheme, you’ll have the opportunity to witness the nuclear fallout each time the carrier collides with an object you haven’t cleared. Once Newton’s Law of Motion is put into question, both defective missiles explode in an impressive atomic explosion. As the shockwave clears the playing field of any remaining objects, an eerie silence that follows ensures the end of our world as we know it…
#2. THE SUPER-WEAPON CETAN FROM 20,000 FATHOMS – PERFECT DARK (N64)
While the Mayan civilization may have lead to much chagrin in predicting the end of the world, the Maian civilization of Perfect Dark are only too familiar with the inevitable doomsday that the Earth may have in store were it not for the efforts of Joanna Dark. As Earth serves as the unwilling middle ground for an intergalactic war between two alien races, second-party dataDyne aides the insidious Skeedar race in utilizing a super-weapon found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean in exchange for their advanced technology and munitions. Gaining access to the submersed Cetan ship and the super-weapon stored away inside, the manipulative extra-terrestrials conspire to test the super-weapon on Earth! Fortunately when things look most dark, Earth has a perfect super-weapon of it’s own… Let’s hope she can save us…
#1. MIZAR’S MIGHTY MAYAN METEOR MATCH – JET FORCE GEMINI (N64)
With the events of Jet Force Gemini converging to a showdown with the tyrant Mizar, it would appear that his swift defeat would leave star twins Juno, Vela and their wardog, Lupus victorious. Before much celebration can be had, however, Mizar rises and retreats into the cosmos where a passing asteroid inspires him to make things personal. Setting a course for planet Earth, Mizar sends the meteor hurtling through the vastness of space where it’s set to collide with Earth unless the Jet Force Gemini can save all of the incessant Tribals and acquire a fast enough ship to reach the rock and intercept Mizar one last time. Ultimately the duty of saving the world is not to the Jet Force Gemini, but to their robotic accomplice Floyd, who sacrifices himself for the good of humanity and the whole of planet Earth. We miss you.
Categories: Top 5 Lists
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