“Manos”: The Hands Of Fate Director’s Cut review

by Piyoz on Aug 28th, 2016

The only thing more unneeded in our world than the 1966 “independent” “horror” “film” “Manos”: the Hands of Fate is the recent video game adaptation “Manos”: the Hands of Fate – Director’s Cut. What? You’re not familiar with Manos? Okay, a little history lesson.

In 1966, Harold P. Warren, a manure salesman in El Paso, Texas, placed a bet and managed to accumulate $19,000 (a decent sum at the time), several actors from local theater, and a couple of actual models from a modeling agency. The goal? To create a cheap, low-budget, B horror movie about a family vacationing in the American southwest who come across a polygamous cult of devil worshipers. The problem? Nobody in the production had experience screen writing or working equipment. The camera was an old model that needed constant winding while filming. They could only film about thirty seconds at a time. And because their camera had no microphone, they had to add sound effects and all voice work in editing. They only filmed at night (as everyone had day jobs) so cinematography is near non-existent in Manos. There is no plot. There is no character development. There is no continuity. There are no coherent sequences of dialogue or action. The whole production is an hour and fourteen minutes of incomprehensible nonsense. On the International Movie Database, Manos has a score of one-point-nine out of ten. On Rotten Tomatoes, Manos has a 0% rating. Manos is one of the worst films ever made.

The only reason that such a monstrosity would ever appear decades later in the Steam libraries and smartphones of twenty-first century gamers is all thanks to the airing of Manos on the cult classic television series (and my personal favorite show ever) Mystery Science Theater 3000. Through this 90’s televised revival, Manos: the Hands of Fate was resurrected to live on in the hearts and minds of bad movie fans the world over. The time has come, apparently, for a video game adaptation of the one of the worst movies of all time.

Manos: the Hands of Fate – Director’s Cut is a PC version of a mobile game released in 2012 for iOS. Just recently, Steam featured the Director’s Cut, which sports controller support so that I can give my future arthritis a night off. Manos is a 2D platformer with shooting elements that rips the setting and dialogue of the film and spruces it up with fun pixels and retro music. Our hero Mike must infiltrate the lair of the evil Satanist cult and vanquish the enigmatic leader called simply the Master. Along the way, the Master’s possessed wives, the Master’s dog, the Master’s servant Torgo the Satyr, and a bunch of other villains from other bad movies will stand in Mike’s way of rescuing his family. It plays very much like a linear, left-to-right platformer. Mike is only allowed to jump and fire his revolver. The controls are pretty tight and never very frustrating. It’s not Super Mario Bros. 3, but it does its job.

The stage design in Manos serves less as interesting levels and more as fun nods to Mystery Science Theater, Manos, and many other bad movies from the same era. In fact, there’s an entire world that is themed like Plan 9 from Outer Space, the Ed Wood Jr. classic that also takes bottom billing as worst film of all time for those who’ve never seen Manos. These references are most of the creative energy that this game has.

Halfway through the game the player is introduced to a vehicle segment, here being an airplane combat sequence. The design choice to give the plane only one HP in light of all the enemies and obstacles causing instant death was a poor one. In fact, the difficulty curve in Manos is curious. Within single levels, one stretch of land may be easy-peasy to get through, while the next will throw a dozen foes at the player at once with no warning. The game all-in-all is pretty easy but with some strangely difficult bosses and moments throughout. The final boss, the Master, is the easiest of all. None of the boss battles ever amounted to anything memorable, even after just having beat the game an hour ago.

The visuals wear their 8-bit inspiration with honor. The soundtrack grabs whatever music Manos and company could produce and remixes it to a tee. The very little dialogue in this game is ripped from the drivel that is the screenplay of Manos: the Hands of Fate. As for content and replayability, there’s little to be found here but increasing levels of difficulty and shiny collectible hands in every stage aptly called the “Hands of Fate”.

What else could I say about this game? Manos: the Hands of Fate – Director’s Cut is a simple homage not to this crappy excuse of a film but to the comedians and film buffs who brought this cult classic out from obscurity. It’s a celebration of bad movies of yesteryear. Manos, the Master, Torgo, and the whole cast of Valley Lodge live eternal in the realm of video games thanks to the hard work of the folks at FreakZone games. MSTies, horror junkies, and retro platformer enthusiasts should find some pleasure in re-enacting of the most despicable cinematic creations in the medium’s history. I’ll turn it over the Mystery Science Theater 300 creator Joel Hodgson to deliver the score:

3/5

“It Stinks!”

Categories: Reviews