Scribes – February 8th 2005
Dear Scribes:
First time Scribes Writer, long time fan. Been there since Sabre Wulf on the C64! Hope to work for you guys one day. More to the point, I’m still a little sad of the Rare leaving Nintendo, blah, blah, blah (as if you hadn’t heard it 5 million times already). I’m still in the hope in getting an Xbox, but I still enjoy your old games and GBA games. Speaking of which, bought Sabre Wulf yesterday. Two words: Pure genius. Best bloody damn time I had on the handheld. Ultimate games making cameos as towns made me laugh and fondly remember those times. Damn, those games were hard. I’ve got some questions for you (in numbered form, no less) so be ready to answer:
1) Have you guys ever thought of making a remake of KI for the GBA or DS? The GBA or DS could really use a fighter game, and KI would fit the bill properly!
2) Same as above, but replace KI with KI2. (I know this isn’t a question, but be easy on me. This is my first time writing to Scribes, ya know.)
3) Are you gellin yet?
4) How are you able to still make the DKCs for the GBA but you had to retool DKP and DKCC?
5) Can you give me the release year when you will release Banjo Pilot and It’s Mr. Pants?
You are most likely not going to be printing this on Scribes, but if I send this knowing you will read it, then put it on Scribes, then delete it, then I will feel like a bloody idiot. Thanks for that.
God Bless Rareware,
DarkMark8 (my name in PD for N64)
P.S. Bacon. There, I said it. Now I feel loved!
1) & 2) You could have condensed these into a single question – but no, you just wanted to make the list bigger. Do not incur my wrath with your first submission, boy. Anyway: the recent Tepid Seat showed that the GBA team would certainly be up for it, but as of yet we’ve got nothing concrete to offer you. Apart from this pair of boots! Ha ha.
3) Is this some kind of cutting-edge street jargon? Is it along the same lines as being down with the homeys?
4) Not sure of the specifics, but basically at that point we were working on a lot of games with licences that suddenly we weren’t in a position to use. As we were obviously so familiar with the original DKC games, it seemed like the obvious choice for Nintendo to let us carry on with their GBA ports, but the other titles were less of a known quantity so we took them back to the drawing board.
5) Blimey, this dates the letter a bit. Pants comedically dropped at the end of 2004 and should be out in most territories by now (though that doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to find), while Pilot took off in early 2005 and may take another couple of months to see release everywhere.
PS Everyone loves bacon. Vegetarians included. I mean, have you seen those vegetarian rashers that painstakingly recreate the rind?
Big Up Rare’s Mum’s Massive,
Just wanted to say, now Conker‘s release date is 2005 are you mending the error of your ways and putting bots into the assault/war modes, and are you putting in even more parodies like a Kill Bill Gates chapter? What are you spending the extra time on, apart from finishing it?
Next, Kameo… looking damn sexy, especially that upskirt-shot kick attack, but also I just saw some gameplay vids and the fighting looks ace… it really looks like this game will quench the adventurers’ thirst for ‘Realistic’ Zelda, the er, rollers’ thirst for Monkey Ball 3 and Metroid Prime 2, and now the beat ’em up fanatics’ thirst for Killer Instinct 3 – the fighting really looks class. I saw a brutal, flawless and frenzy in there, please tell me there’ll be a ‘humiliation’ where Kameo sits on their head. That should quench the face-sitting thirst for Princess Ruto from Ocarina of Time fans. So to speak. 😛
Martin “Alf-Life” Badowsky
Filth-merchant. Ruto’s not even human. Epona is where it’s at!
Cheers for the comments on Kameo, though I suspect that any thirst for Metroid Prime 2 has been at least partially satisfied by, you know, Metroid Prime 2, with the same thing likely to apply to realistic Zelda. You know as much as I do regarding the state of play with Conker’s offline multiplayer. The focus is still on the Live angle, though.
And don’t call our mums massive.
Peel my onions!
You said some of Fiddlesworth’s innuendos were taken out of Grabbed by the Ghoulies. All I can say to that is holy Cileriaq, how bad must they have been?
Well this is the internet. So feel free to let me know what they were.
Also, why are the Skeletons so smart? How comes they can lift up nearby objects but Zombies, Wizards and Hunchbacks can’t? I mean – Skeletons don’t even have any brains (they decayed) so surely they would be more stupid?
And another thing – why and how did the Baron get those Wizards to live in laundry rooms? They are powerful wizards, surely they should be wizarding or something elsewhere, not doing the Baron’s washing!”Suck my… no… get your hands on my… no, no…”
TA TA FOR NOW
Matthew
I bet you weren’t really expecting them, but here they are, direct from the head of the Ghoulies team. Parents: send your impressionable offspring out of the room. Pregnant women and people with heart problems: look away now.
“After a quick delve in my Recycle Bin, I’ve managed to unearth Fiddlesworth’s shocking profanities for everyone to finally enjoy.
*** DISCLAIMER – Any MS Legal folk or gentle souls offended by obscene vegetable and farmyard animal related quips should read no further. ***
“Sow My Seeds (stayed until the very last minute)
“Caress My Cucumber (stayed for perhaps only one version, funnily enough!)
“Manhandle My Marrow (then changed to Measure My Marrow but still to no avail)
“Bash My Beef (changed to Buy My Beef and was accepted)
“Rub My Radish
“Choke My Chicken
“Rub My Rooster (got changed to Roast My Rooster and was accepted)
“Gobble My Gherkin
“Wash My Lettuce (though I still don’t understand what the problem was with that. It wasn’t even particularly funny, let alone risqué!)
“Crunch My Carrots, Pick My Plums & Pet My Piglet ALMOST got thrown out but managed to stay by the skin of their teeth.
“Everyone knows that Skeletons are the smart guys – just look how clever they are in Jason and the Argonauts (until they fall off the cliff). Zombies are really thick and never think about picking stuff up, as if they wanted to catch more people they would simply run instead of shuffling. Wizards feel it beneath themselves to resort to sullying their magical appendages by picking up items, and the Hunchback’s got a bad back and can’t lift them.
“Regarding the washing Wizards, everyone seems to want young boy wizards with glasses these days, and all roles for elderly gentleman with pointy beards (Gandalf, Dumbledore etc.) have been filled, so they have to get any job they can find – including washing laundry. The Baron can’t be seen going commando, can he now?”
Hi there!
Hi there! I hope, you’ll answer, ’cause I finally want to know!
1) Why did you shut down www.perfectdark.com, www.carrington-institute.com and www.datadyne.com? Those Sites were GREAT! I loved them! You put so many work in those sites and then you simply closed them. That’s mean… (btw sorry for my bad English – not my native-language).
2) Would you (be so kind and) tell me the Name and/or show me a (real) Picture of the guy who gave Trent Easton his face? He looks so good! faints
3) Will PDZ be exclusive for Xbox or is there a slight bit of hope that it’ll come out on Gamecube, too?
4) Keep up the good work, guys! You make the best games of all!
Yours sincerely,
Vasquez
Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
1) I know the answer to that one, but I’m going to make Botters answer it anyway. “The sites were not ours to run. They were set up by Nintendo as part of the marketing for PD.”
2) And again. “The face of Trent Easton (and the faces of many other characters besides) were amalgams of several people’s faces. Which just goes to show that there’s some beauty in everyone [maintains straight face].”
3) I think you know the answer to that one.
4) Cheers ears.
Dearest of Rares,
Is there any particular reason you guys are porting It’s Mr. Pants to the Gizmondo, aka the handheld system pricier than PSP gasp? This beast from the Eastern hemisphere sets one back over 400 U.S. dollars. Surely no sane man would drop that kind of cash on a handheld, with PSP & DS on their way.
My second question also has to do with your upcoming handheld games. With Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty’s Revenge, It’s Mr. Pants, and Sabre Wulf being ported to Mobile Phones, and IMP now being ported to Gizmondo, will you guys be adding these games to your upcoming games list? It would really thicken the list from its meager 4 games to a meaty 8!
Your pal,
N.B.
I don’t think we’ll be adding them to the site as we’re not actually developing them. We signed a deal with mobile phone game publisher In-Fusio, and they went out and found a developer to work on the ports; the mobile blueprint for Pants that came about in this way is also serving as the basis for the Gizmondo version, so we’re not directly involved with that either.
Four whole games on the Upcoming list? Those halcyon days are long gone, pal. But look on the bright side: we must be working on about fifty that we haven’t announced yet.
Dear Scribes,
I have found you out! When you link to www.banjo-threeie.com, it links to your website! Oh Rare, you have tried to hide your mischievous games from us before, but know that some of us do like to type in random things to the address bar.
Also any release dates for Kameo yet OTHER than 2005?
I also anticipate the release of PD Zero because PD rocked my socks. Let’s just hope you haven’t screwed this sequel into the ground like some I know of… (not mentioning any at the moment because all of your games are very good).
In BK:GR in Spiller’s Lagoon or whatever, I can’t seem to find the 5th doubloon to play the one badger looking guy’s game. This is probably one of the hardest BK games I’ve played in my entire life. A little help please?
From us at the agency of Irregular Reproductive Organs:
Michael
PS RARE IS HELLA COOL!!
A lot of things redirect to the Rare site, including various game titles that we either didn’t use or may yet use in the future. Don’t mean nothin’, boy. Just coverin’ our bases, is all.
I see you worded your Grunty’s Revenge question to make it as difficult as possible for the team to offer their help, you swine. But look, they did anyway. Feel the love.
“1. On top of the sandcastle, on the beach section (to the left from the main Spiller’s Harbour map).
“2. Behind the couch inside the cafe (near the lighthouse).
“3. On the boat directly south of the Germuloid near the entrance.
“4. Near the bees on the top left corner of the village section (Spillerston).
“5. Inside the garden behind a tentacle also in Spillerston.”
Dear Scribes,
Salutations from the Island of Enchantations, Puerto Rico. Since I know it’s useless to ask if you’re making Killer instinct 3, I’ll ask something I’ve been wondering. In KI, we were presented with Orchid’s (in)famous flash finishing move. As a kid I used to stand in line just waiting for someone to pull it off (later I realized it wasn’t healthy). But when we rented KI Gold (sequel on N64), such a move was gone. I guess the questions are as follows: Why did you not put the flash finisher on KI Gold? Relative to the answer: Would you put it in a future Instinct title? Also, you ever consider Custom soundtracks? Maybe in like an innovative way, like one’s songs playing in a radio in a game, althought it would be swell on… wait for it… KILLER INSTINCT 3!
Ya’ll’s truly:
Explosivo Plastico
Ah yes, the flash move. I always assumed its disappearance was a Nintendo decision, but it could just as easily have been an example of something dropped to meet development deadlines: I suppose we’ll never know, as the KI designer’s only response to my half-arsed Nintendo theory was that it’s “as good an answer as any”.
I take exception to your claim that it’s useless to ask if we’re making KI3. It’s not useless at all – we’ve said dozens of times that we’re not making the bloody thing. Not right now, anyway.
Well Hello, oh ScriboMonkey,
Just a couple of simple questions that shouldn’t tax you too much…
1) PD Zero – Xbox or Xbox 2? Surely what with Far Cry making people’s eyes melt, Xbox2 would be more suitable so that the eyecandy can blow people away [as opposed to suffering on what, IIRC, the Xbox runs – IE a clocked up and molested GeForce3].
2) On a similar line, what do the coders in the basement think of the Xbox hardware compared to the GC? Is the Xbox easier to code for than GC was? Again, if memory serves me, it’s x86 architecture on the Xbox so surely a tad easier to work with than proprietary Nintendo hardware? Any major advantages/disadvantages to either platform?
Well, anyway, I’ll leave you to PD Pushbutton codes, Mr Pants RPAs and Sean Williamson’s three year old legacy arguments [can’t believe I stop cruising your fine site for over two years and you lot are still banging on about him – leave it, it’s not worth it, etc…]
Steven R – AKA Da Bean
They won’t tax me at all – all I’ve got to do is forward them on to a designer on the team.
1) We thought we’d skip straight to Xbox 4. After all, there’s no sense in rushing things.
2) As far as I’m concerned, the Xbox is as good as the Gamecube for stacking things on even if the top is curved; the GameCube may be flatter, but it’s a top-loader so you have to move all of your stuff anyway.”
Maybe I should get one of our senior programmers to answer that one as well. This is more taxing than I’d expected.
“I can’t even remember what it was like to work on GC now, it seems so long ago, but I’m sure it was fine. The game programming on GC and Xbox is actually really similar so there isn’t much difference in day-to-day work. However Xbox has a huge advantage with the tools and support that come with it – these are fantastic. And of course Xbox has networking and Live – yahoo! One big disappointment of the Xbox development kits though is you can’t play retail games on them – aargghh!”
G’day, Dave here,
See, I’m an Aussie and am very upset about a reply which may offend some readers. As if being someone who eats wichetty grubs is embarrassing. FOR SHAME. They are a splendid delicacy as long as you decapitate them first and feast on the gooey goodness which lies within.
Regarding the recently released Game Boy, the DS, it seems pretty innovative and speaking of which I think Rareware will be able to add a certain overne la porte which will make full use of its extra thingies. So make good games for the DS and I’ll pay you handsomely with exotic Australian cuisine. Port Perfect Dark and you can tell me to HOP on the bus and laugh about it as much as you want. Freak.
Until next time,
David Carter
P.S. ROAST THEM WITH SOME ALMONDS and they’re bloody unreal. Better than haggis or legs or whatever you Frogs eat.
P.P.S. I’m good at French. All you do is add heaps of vowels at the ende.
I have no idea what ‘overne la porte’ is supposed to mean, and neither does Google. Maybe I should ask our next-door neighbours Ubisoft, or Gerard Depardieu over the road, or those crazy japesters Daft Punk down at no. 27. As for our possible DS output, I suggest you ask one of your own neighbours, such as that lovely Jason Donovan at the B&B or Dame Edna Everage down in the granny flat.
I love the witchetty grub ‘serving suggestions’ at the bottom of this page. Yep, that’s changed my mind completely – serve me up a big bowl of the buggers!
Dear Scribes,
Why do you put down people’s hopes of upcoming games, who are great, loyal fans of Rare? You are supposed to put interest into people, so they will go out and buy. All you do, editor, is make up little responses and jokes that really don’t answer anything people don’t already know.
Quote: “It’s a little-known fact that Banjo-Threeie was a secret unlockable feature in Ghoulies…”
You know there is big number of people who want Banjo Three. Ok, who gives a sh*te about Grabbed by the Ghoulies anyway? Even I, a major Rareware fan, looked at Grabbed by the Ghoulies and said to myself, “That looks like complete crap.”
Sorry if I seem harsh or insulting, but I’m just expressing my ideas. And I know you’re just being funny, but I really would like to hear something about Banjo Three, and some of Rare’s other upcoming titles beside Conker and Kameo.
These are just my thoughts which I hope you take into consideration. Thanks. Oh and can you actually reply to this message? It took a couple minutes and little effort to write this, so please respond.
Chris
Chill your boots, big man. If you view Scribes as something less than a goldmine of insider information and cutting-edge game updates, you’re spot on – and that’s because when we’ve got a big announcement to make or new game details to put forward, the letters page isn’t the first place that springs to mind. This whole Extras section of the site is, as the name suggests, just here to help people pass the time, have a bit of a laugh, maybe actually get representatives from the teams to answer questions (probably not in a very informative manner) now and again. We’ve never tried to pretend otherwise, so why should you? If you don’t enjoy it, don’t read it. When there’s something to announce, the front page and the News and Updates sections will always be the places to look, and right now there’s simply nothing solid about a new Banjo title to announce.
As for the Banjo-Threeie gag in particular, yes, we are aware of the existence of Banjo fans salivating over the prospect of a new game, and rascally japes like that one (which aren’t particularly convincing in the first place – I mean, come on, really) are partly the result of endless emails from people demanding new information on the game right now, regardless of whether or not it’s in development or even planned. Taking a healthy interest is one thing, but outright in-your-face rudeness is another, and you’d be amazed at how much of the latter we get. Well, maybe ‘amazed’ is a strong word, but you know what I mean.
Hi Rare,
Only really want to know one thing. What’s happened to Perfect Dark Zero? Last I saw of it was some concept art of Joanna. That’s all I’ve seen of it. I’m not expecting you to reveal some brand new exclusive screens and videos in direct response to my email (…), just want to know if it’s been canned or not, really. If not, can we expect to see it on the Xbox, or is it being geared up for the next generation?
Oh yes, and I have a request. This is something that Perfect Dark lacked, that if included would have surely made it truly perfect. In Perfect Dark Zero, can you make it so that when you shoot bad guys in the bllcks they scream “Ahhhh, me pods!!”?
Cheers,
Martin
See, now that’s a bit more reasonable. We can certainly confirm that PD0 hasn’t been canned, even if we continue to body-swerve around the whole next-gen question. With regard to further info, obviously we have to co-ordinate these things with MGS now and we’re still waiting to hear when they want to kick off the big promotional campaign, but it shouldn’t be too long coming.
Not sure about the pod-shots, but I swear I heard someone in the recording studio the other day bellowing “ooyah, me arsegrapes!” – no guarantees that it was a PD0 recording session, it might just have been Robin kicking Grant around the room again, but it’s promising nonetheless.
Dear all you cool people in Twycross (that’s still a very silly name for a town),
I was just wondering what was the “latest” on the idea of creating a Perfect Dark movie or TV series. I think it will be a great idea, and if the idea was cancelled a long time ago, think again! (And don’t be put off by the really quite astounding reviews of RE: Apocalypse.)
Also, just out of interest, are you considering making games for the PSP or DS??? I think it will be a great idea, and has a lot of potential. I’m sure Mr Gates won’t mind too much…
James from Barnet (see; that sounds normal)
P.S. Great N64 MP3 downloads!
Never mind RE: Apocalypse, I’ve just been reading some of the reviews for Alone in the Dark. It’s genius. And apparently Christian Slater is the new Rutger Hauer, though they seem to be saying that as if it’s some kind of insult.
Latest PD TV/movie developments… I’ll hazard a wild guess and say there aren’t any. The whole thing seemed to gently dissipate into thin air. Maybe interest will be rekindled when there’s another game on the shelves, eh? Then again, maybe it’s forging ahead in production right now and nobody’s bothered to tell us.
Hey Scribes,
Just looking through the Scribes dated October 19, 2004 and questions were sent in asking what happened to Kameo‘s friend, Meepo. From the responses you gave it basically seems he has been removed from the game.
Why is this? Why was he created in the first place (i.e. what was his point of being), and what has been changed in the game now that his services are no longer required?
Thanks,
Poona
“Sometimes you just have to remove characters/features from games as they end up not really fitting in,” explains a Rare spokesperson with appropriate Kameo team credentials, in the manner of someone going over something for the forty-third time with infinite saintly patience. “As the game evolves it just happens. Meepo was Kameo’s ‘assistant’ in the world. He may crop up again somewhere – keep an eye out for him.”
Dear buddies:
I read the answer you wrote to my friend Jesús. I also want to know what the ending sentence “The perfect core, darken than you” means. I’m smarter than him so I’m not going to send you ham. I’d rather go with some tinned seafood or “greeny papers”. By the way, the only jokes about horses and religion I can remember is that one about the Four Horsemen of Apocalypse that go in a pub and ask the waiter… mmm, I’m only telling you only if you explain us what that sentence means.
Sincerely annoyed,
Jorge
It’s a conspiracy. I can’t even begin to imagine what its purpose is, but it’s still a conspiracy.
Duncan? “Hey, I’ll join in. I want to know what it means, too. It’s certainly not English. And it’s changed since the last mail.”
Damn. He still doesn’t know. And I was so looking forward to a nice sandwich of ‘greeny papers‘.
Dear Scribeguy,
Hello… it’s me again… um… Enn. Yeah. Recently, some of my friends at DKVine stumbled across some new Conker screenshots; absolutely amazing. Count Batula’s castle looks absolutely breathtaking. I’m not entirely sure how I’m gonna make it through that chapter without squealing every time a stray shadow falls across Conk Helsing’s gorgeously rendered fur. Awesome.
Now to the questions. Regarding Conker‘s one-player adventure, will the character lines be re-recorded for the new version of the game? And do you guys have any information regarding the ‘Old War’ segment for us? Please? I’ll be your best friend.
It’s Mr. Pants! It looks absolutely grand. But please ask Mr. Pants why he didn’t call.
Lovies,
Enn
Mr. Beanland says that the speech in the revamped Bad Fur Day uses the original samples, though they’ll obviously be of a higher quality as they won’t be needing the kind of compression required to squash them all into an N64 cartridge. As for Old War, well, it’s set before Future War. That’s why it’s called Old War. It’s old. Mr. Pants has spent the last couple of months swimming in a room full of banknotes like Scrooge McDuck, except at the moment they’re just bits of torn newspaper masquerading as banknotes because the It’s Mr. Pants royalties haven’t arrived yet, and I can only hope he took his snorkel with him because the poor fool may be swimming for some time.
Dear Rare,
While flicking through an old games magazine from a few years back, I stumbled upon an interesting item written during all the speculation over Rare’s future direction, just before you moved to Microsoft (a move I applaud).
If you recall, the barrage of speculation and rumours was first started off by a fairly innocent-looking Christmas card which you sent out, featuring Mr. Pants putting some familiar-shaped parcels under a Christmas tree. At the time I didn’t believe the rumours, and I thought it was just another one of your in-jokes, but a few months later you announced the MS buyout.
This still leaves one unanswered question, though, and one which I am surprised has not been asked before: Was the aforementioned card really a subtle hint about your impending change of direction, or was the Microsoft deal not on the cards at that point? Did you mean for the rumours to ever get so out of control? And at what point did you first decide to side with Microsoft?
I’d be very interested to hear the back story behind this, if you don’t mind telling. Look, I’ll even use the word “arse”. See?
Cheers, and keep up the good work,
Hemorrhoid Shark
Your name sounds like one of those ultra-rare Yu-Gi-Oh cards. What’s your ATK score? Er, never mind.
As I recall, at the time there were no firm deals on the cards (haha) so the whole thing was just a scurrilous jape meant to wind up the press whilst offering only the most inspecific hint at possible future directions. So as you can see, there’s not really much of a story to tell. We were just being smartarses. Sorry.
to whom it may concern:
i’am writing to you with a problem about starfox adventures. i have already received the gold&silver; teeth from their perspective places but now only one door opened and the one with bars is still closed. and also the king earthwalker still ask for the teeth to be returned. what am i doing wrong is there another way into the lair to fight the boss red eye king if so please enlighten me.i await your answer in this matter.thank you for your time.
rod buchanan
Such official wording, such hideously afflicted grammar. Surely deserving of a stream-of-consciousness semi-explanation from one of the SFA designers.
“It’s either a bug, he’s not placed the teeth or he’s trying to fight the Red Eye Boss for a second time, which you can’t. If he’s on the first visit and placed the teeth into the T-Rex statues, the ramp will lower, allowing him into the Boss. There are bars in on the second visit to stop the player from entering the Boss again. He mentions the Red Eye King so he might have already fought him. If it was a bug I don’t see why the King Earthwalker would be still asking him to place the teeth. Has he placed them back in the statues at all?” I don’t know, why are you asking me? Rod, have you placed them back in the statues at all? Come on, speak up, will you?
Dear Scribes,
I remember playing Diddy Kong Racing. My favorite character was Conker! Why did you make CBFD be so, cool! It seriously kicked even Banjo-Kazooie‘s ass in coolness. I heard that you had a kids’ version of the game planned, but publishers said it was too cute. Is this true?
Also, are you going to make other M-Rated games based off of Diddy Kong Racing characters? It would be hilarious to see that crazy badger with a hangover. Ohhh, I hated him.
Daniel Ernst
Bumper gets such a bad rap. You wouldn’t hate him if he was going around emptying his bladder all over the floor and leering at huge-breasted women, and frankly that’s far more believable of Bumper than it ever was of Conker – he was always the unspoken rebel of DKR.
Somebody from the DKR team who may once have been the Voice of the Badger but doesn’t want to directly admit it says: “Maybe a game based on Bumper the Badger and his relentless assault on a crazy, drunk character called Daniel. That sounds like a great game! And yeah, there once was a younger version of Conker but I guess we’ve all got to grow up at some point, so why don’t you?” OooOOO!
Dear Scribes,
Haha. I seriously thought you needed to hear about this. This is a direct quote from Gamespy in their review of Donkey Konga. “The ‘DK Rap’ hurts more than any coconut gun that fires in spurts”. The entire last 2 paragraphs they were just tearing apart your characters. They were saying things like “why did they have to stick with the Rare character models” and “who am I supposed to look at the whole time, K Rool?”.
I think this calls for a showdown between Rare and Gamespy. Here’s my proposal. You send the 73rd Infantry into the Gamespy headquarters (I’ll abbreviate that as G.H.) through the western entrance. The 3rd Division of tanks will come up to the front entrance and hit any innocent bystanders standing in the entrance. But I do hear the G.H. has a pretty strong ninja staff. There’s a good chance those ninjas will try to destroy your tanks. Unless you have those new model tanks, you haven’t mentioned your tanks in a long time. Otherwise you better guard them with snipers. Also, if your infantry gets in the G.H., much of their staff is made up of pirates, and they say arg, and matey, and their parrots can often catch you off guard. Then if you do get close to the main reactor, don’t even get me started on the chickens. You’ll need more than flame throwers to deal with them. If all else fails you could just nuke the place. But I wouldn’t recommend it. I think chickens and nukes form a nuclear reaction. I think I read about it in TIME Magazine or something.
You know what I also hear? I also hear that Banjo is getting in trouble for use of steroids. Please tell me the rumors aren’t true. I mean, if Banjo got suspended for Banjo 3, it’d be called like banjo 3, and there would be no Banjo. Then you’d have like Sabreman with Kazooie in his backpack… actually… that might be a good idea. Why don’t you suggest that to the Banjo team? Oh, my milkshake is ready, I have to go. Do you want a sip before I drink it all? I’ll send you some in an attachment or something. Here to help.
The Outraged DuK
Nurse! He’s disturbing the other patients again.
Personally I don’t think I could bring myself to take part in military action against GameSpy since they said such lovely things about Mr. Pants and his blossoming franchise. Okay, I admit that they’ve also said even worse things about Rare in general than the stuff in the Konga review, but hey, we’re all grown men here. And women. And some ungrown men. And a couple of weird androgynous things with tentacles.
Besides, at the end of the day, the moral and emotional victory is ours, because GameSpy know that should we ever really take offence and send forth our Mighty Tanks of War, their guards (ninja, pirate or otherwise) wouldn’t stand a chance. Why? Because our Mighty Tanks of War all have GIANT GOOGLY EYES and talk in FUNNY BURBLY VOICES and would scare the living bejesus out of them.
Dear Scribes,
I’ve just got a few questions that’ve been buzzing around my skull for a few months now. If you could answer them, it’d save me a lot of money on question repellent.
1) I thoroughly enjoyed playing through Grunty’s Revenge on my GBA. However, while I thought that the music was done well, I couldn’t help but notice that Gruntilda’s Theme was suspiciously absent! I mean, I know that it wasn’t quite as notable in Banjo-Tooie as it was in Banjo-Kazooie, but we at least heard two or three measures during the battle against Hag 1 at the end of the game. So was leaving out Grunty’s Theme a conscious decision, or was it just something that people forgot about during the production?
2) In Jet Force Gemini, Ivana Bear says “Hello sailor,” a line that serves as a running joke for the late Infocom’s Zork games. Similarly, the robot that you collect the pieces for is named Floyd, which just happens to be the name of the robot-sidekick from Infocom’s Planetfall games. The two points makes me wonder: were there some big Infocom fans in the JFG production team?
3) Avoiding the question “will we see a new Banjo game,” I’ll skip right to the more enjoyable one: might the next Banjo game have the original Banjo-Kazooie game in it as an unlockable treat of some sort? It probably made more sense with Conker: Live and Reloaded what with that game’s focus on multiplayer. I’m just wondering if I’d be able to sell my N64 to help fund the purchase of the next console from Microsoft.
Affy Person
1) I suppose the obvious thing to do is ask the game’s musician: “No we didn’t forget about it! As Grunty’s Revenge was set in an alternate time/reality, I wanted the music to be different to B-K and B-T yet keep the Banjo style. Grunty became Mecha-Grunty so I used metallic sounds and mechanical rhythms to reflect that in her boss tune, whilst hopefully maintaining the pace and urgency of the original.”
2) There is kind of a story behind Ivana Bear, but it’s got nothing to do with Infocom. The Floyd thing must be coincidence too – my best guess is that we both hit on the same half-arsed ‘Floyd the Droid’ rhyme.
3) Is the extra handful of small change really going to help that much? B-K may well reappear in future, but probably not in the exact same form (see your other example, the revamped Bad Fur Day), so ultimately I suppose it depends on how much you value your original copy of the game.
Dear Scribes,
Hey, what ever happened to your Rare merchandising idea? I’m a consumer whore! I need Rare crap! (I think it’s a good idea anyway.) How about talking to the big MS and getting them to do limited edition stuff to coincide with the launch of Conker? Hm? Hm? Plush dolls would also be acceptable, but not as acceptable as say a limited edition Xbox, mind you.
Also, and more importantly (unless you can get that limited edition Xbox the green light), will Kameo feature any Xbox Live… um… features? Awareness? Scoreboards? Multiplayer? Just wondering, being that so much is being done with Conker.
Well I guess I should finish up my copy of Grabbed by the Ghoulies before Kameo comes out. I’d be done already if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t want it to end.
Thanks for your time,
BRaD
The level and quality of merch is up to Microsoft. It’s entirely possible that they haven’t even decided themselves yet. Let’s farm out your other question to someone suitably tactful on the Kameo team, as tact was never really my thing.
“Can’t really confirm or deny any Live features for Kameo, but I will say that we are always looking for ways to make the game the best possible experience for the player and we’ll consider any avenues open to us to make this happen, so if we felt Live would improve the game experience then we’d obviously explore it as an option.”
Oozing tact. But basically, a pair of bona fide non-answers. You love it.
Dear Scribes;
This one will to take you back to a time (and game) forgotten. Having played various Rare games (some of which I didn’t realize were Rare creations), I have come to love and respect the quality in each game you produce. I see many titles I recognize and many I don’t in your list and in other Scribes letters. One game I would like to see come to a next gen console is PINBOT (NES). Because of new technologies I believe PINBOT would be the premier pinball title. Never before nor since have I played a video pinball game with that kind of style or imagination. And for the record I have bought and played a lot of video pinball games looking for another standout title that will even come close to PINBOT. There are some very good and interesting titles in this genre but none that compares with the imagination behind the gameplay in PINBOT. And thinking of all the advances in home consoles since the NES, now would be the time to reintroduce this title to a new audience. From playing with triangular pucks to creatures stealing the balls and missiles destroying your flippers, the whole game is a blast.
So with all the major projects like Kameo and Conker is there any way you might be able to slide in a spectacular game like PINBOT ’05 or something like that?
Gamecrusher
Thanks to this letter, I’ve learned something new today too. Apparently the original Pin Bot/Pinbot (the spacing remains an enigma) was an actual Williams pinball machine, which we ‘ported’ to the NES. What this boils down to is that we don’t own the rights, so no, it’s unlikely that it’ll be seeing a next-gen console release, or at least not in any kind of Rare-programmed form. Which was massively unlikely anyway if we’re being honest, but the rights issue makes it even more unlikely. Tell you what, I’ll ask Duncan if he fancies the idea of digitising himself and including a hidden PinBotwood minigame in PD Zero – can’t say fairer than that.
Greetings, Scribes…
Would you please tell me, are there any particular martial arts that Fox McCloud uses in Star Fox Adventures, and if you’d know, the Super Smash Bros. games?
If there’s nothing in particular, then could you tell what styles he draws from? Be as specific as you can, including any subdivisions of the martial art(s).
Thank you.
Jonathan Jenkins
This question is too bizarre for me to fully get my head around. Nevertheless, here’s a response from somebody on the team (who, I’m informed, actually knows nothing about martial arts, not sure if it shows)…
“Fox may possibly draw his styles from Wushu and can also perform the deadly Dim Mak AKA Death Touch OR we’re just talking crap and made up his moves as we went along. For Super Smash Bros. however you need to talk to Nintendo, sorry.”
Hey there Scribey dude,
I have discovered a secret in your Conker’s Bad Fur Day game you never wanted anyone to know about. A picture has been included to show you the super-hidden “Mr. Pants” mode, where Mr. Pants gives Conker 90 Squillion Dollars and takes over his role, transforming the game into…. “MR PANTS’S BADLY FITTING UNDERWEAR DAY!!!!” This new game plays much the same as the original Bad Fur Day, only Mr. Pants is going on a drunken adventure to find out who has stolen his only pair of pants. So you must go around & scare everybody with your totally naked body until they tell you where The Evil Pantser King has fled to with your beloved knickers. It would be made even more awesome by the fact that Mr. Pants can urinate wherever he wants without needing to get drunk first!! And in order to unlock this super special feature, simply play through the game as normal, but when you reach the final boss, simply defeat him by screaming “I LOVE MR PANTS” 999999 times in half a second, and this special mode shall be unlocked! I can see why you hid this away from everybody. You don’t want such a super-1337 bonus like that to be found by just any old hobo lying drunk in the middle of the road. But I was the first to discover it, and now I shall go and tell all of my friends to go and spread the word to everybody as soon as they get out of that large building where they have to stay in a cell with cushions all over the walls. You must keep this in Live & Reloaded, otherwise I shall go AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH $&%(%#$&(%&($(%%#@VFDYJRS$UW^@Y. And I will, as well!!! So there!
With a load of pants,
Seb
Rare Reply: Next time, prospective RPA creators, do us a favour: keep the descriptive text to a minimum and just send us the sodding picture, eh?
PinBotwood has burnt out my supply of stupid and staggeringly unlikely game modes for this month, but I can still give you a couple of important lifestyle facts about Mr. Pants. Firstly, he’s not a lesbian (knickers are girls’ pants, though having said that, any previously implied relationship with Mrs. Pie is of course strictly platonic); and secondly, he’s had no choice but to become teetotal following a few unfortunate recent soirées when the alcohol content of his first bright green alcopop of the evening totally overwhelmed his practically non-existent 2D body weight and blew his bowler clean off, both physically and mentally. Bless.
“No more comedy big white herbivore teeth for me! I’ll have your whole bloody arm off with this lot!”
Dear whom this may concern,
Sigh. Look, I was willing to accept Kameo‘s first Xbox delay. And the next. And the next. “They need to finish porting it from the GCN,” I kept telling myself. “They want it to be polished and fun.”
However, this latest delay is just silly. It’s sending me the feeling that no matter what you guys do to the game, you’re not satisfied with the results. And if that’s the case, you’re wasting time on a flawed product instead of working on PD0, Conker, the GBA, and whatever else you have planned.
So here’s a suggestion: either give Kameo a release date for 2005 that you can meet, or cancel the blasted thing and move on. If you can never meet a release, I should just stop caring about the game.
Behonkiss
Yeah, yeah, we know. Do you think we enjoy delaying things, and do it just so that we can sit around rubbing our hands with glee in the face of an avalanche of angry mail? These things happen. Sometimes it is largely perfectionism on our part, but usually (including this particular occasion) there are other important reasons beyond that. Here’s someone from the team to comment:
“Hmmm. I can understand your frustrations – I’ve been waiting ages for a decent question from someone who could possibly just think through all the possibilities of why Kameo has or has not been delayed instead of coming up with the same old story, but if you can’t ask a good question then maybe I should stop caring enough to give you a decent answer. Sigh.”
Dear Scribes,
I knew it! You did used to be Tradewest! I was wondering whatever happened to that company. So when are we gonna see another Battletoads? I mean seriously it’s Xbox, it’s green you guys need to do it! Seriously, please tell me you have thought about it cause otherwise there’s something wrong with you. And why did you change company names? And wasn’t Battletoads in Battlemaniacs around the same time Donkey Kong Country was released? So why did Battletoads still carry Tradewest and Donkey Kong get the Rare name? I probably won’t read the Scribes page that much cause I don’t go to company sites too often, unless I wanna check something. But yeah, I think I have a good question!
Dustin Simpson
Are you having a laugh? We were never Tradewest – even your sisters Jessica, Ashlee, Maggie, Lisa and Mrs. OJ (deceased) knew that. Tradewest just published some of our games back in the NES/SNES says, as did LJN, Milton Bradley, Acclaim (also deceased) and so on. Which explains why DKC got the Rare name – because we’re Rare, and Tradewest are Tradewest. Or at least they were. Not entirely sure what happened to them in the end.
A new Battletoads game is one of those ‘you never know’ questions…
Dear Scribes,
OK, I’m sure everyone at Rare is tired of this question, but please just set the record straight for once. How much of your stock does Nintendo own, will you be making any games for any other consoles (going third party), and if yes/no, why? Quit beating around the bush and don’t give me any vague answers. I want the truth as do many millions of gamers out there, you owe us a true, clear and accurate explanation of your situation with Nintendo. If you do not answer these questions truthfully, honestly, and with compassion, then I will be forced to continue to e-mail you until I get an accurate response. Thanks for your time, have a nice day.
Matt Overholser
Answer truthfully? Set the record straight? Quit beating around the bush? Ye Gods, I don’t know where to start. Maybe some excerpts from responses to similar questions in previous Scribes will point you in the right direction:
“That’s all very well, but the thing is, you see, Rare is now owned by Microsoft.”
“Nintendo are hardly going to let us make games starring DK for the Xbox, are they? It’s not as if we ever expected them to.”
“Microsoft. That’s pretty much the answer to all your questions.”
“Taking down a lot of the Nintendo-owned stuff and refocusing on the Rare-owned properties and future games was a) a management decision, and b) common bloody sense.”
“Look – which part of ‘Microsoft Game Studios subsidiary’ are you not getting?”
“I don’t see how you can argue the case for any kind of ‘betrayal’ when there’s still a solid relationship with Nintendo in place – how do you think we intended to manage future GBA development without it?”
“However, Rare is now owned by Microsoft, and with a competing console in the marketplace, Microsoft isn’t likely to start releasing GameCube software any time soon.”
There you go.
Hello hello,
I’m looking forward to adding Banjo-Pilot to my stack of GBA games, but I’ve got some queries that I was hoping could get answered, or at the very least have the questions replied to but the answer dodged as is usually the case.
– I was really digging the polygonal look that you had unveiled back in May, but now I see the game has returned to its pre-Banjo sprite look. Is there a reason other than the voxels wouldn’t hold up?
– When exactly would this game fit into the Banjo-Kazooie series timeline? Gruntilda seems to be as fleshy as ever in this one. Is there an untold tale after Banjo-Tooie where she was rejuvenated?
– dose TIHS 1 unlocke the sotp ‘nd swap????//?
Much obliged.
SirSlush2
Yay! No mention of Ted the Boatbuilder. Those anti-Ted prescription patches doing the job, are they? Excellent. As a reward, here’s a trio of wholly appropriate responses from the GBA team.
“- The main reason we dropped the voxel mode was due to a dramatic drop in frame rate once we added all the planes and weapons. With only one or two planes flying around it looked fantastic and smooth, probably one of the best-looking 3D games I’ve seen on the GBA. Because it used voxels there was no scenery breakup like you see in most 3D GBA games.
“- It was never meant to fit into a timeline with the other Banjo games, that’s why we didn’t add stuff like story modes. We just wanted to create a racing game using the Banjo characters.
“- You’ll have to complete it to find out…”
Hello guys (excuse me if there are faults, I am a cheesy French person),
I’ve just downloaded on your download page a track of the Conker’s BFD Soundtrack, which is named “Surf Punks”. I think there is no need for me to tell you it is the music we hear during the race versus the punky b*stards. I and other people find the drum is excellent, and I wonder if this music was played by one (or two or more) real drummer, or by an electronic machine.
Thank you for advance.
Padrino
Best opening line ever.
Robin says: “There is a band called the Surf Punks, unfortunately they didn’t perform the track, it was all done by me… the drums are programmed, but it’s nice to know you thought it was a real drummer. The new version of the tune has live guitar and bass performed by Dave C.”
Dear Sean Williamson,
Firstly, I am stating once again, as in my previous 3 unposted messages, that I will be in Twycross on or about the 23rd of July 2005 to oversee the production of Perfect Dark Zero. Furthermore…
1. I believe that a Multiplayer deathmatch level in Perfect Dark Zero must be dedicated to replicating the Rare headquarters.
2. You shot me down last time, so I must say again, with the success of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, it is absolutely essential that you create a British GTA clone.
3. Am I the only person in the world who was arsed enough to finish 101% of DK64?
4. As a matter of fact, the most essential possible game you could ever make has just occurred to me… please observe the magical RPA attached here-in, it even includes Mr. Pants… please look, I slaved for hours to find photos from Twycross.
6. If you must dig up old stars from the past, my recommendation is that you use Saberman, but have him be the star of a JFG style shooting romp through a lush jungle environment.
8. Just out of curiosity, why are Mr. Pants’ pants red?
9. Do you personally know of the pub enclosed in my RPA and is the beer cold there?
11. When will PD0 be coming out?
12. When will PD0 be coming out?
13. Where am I?
Yours Truly,
Sir Bran, Earl of Stinkmoor
Right, if the numbered bloody lists aren’t going to go away then I’ve decided that they can never contain more than 10 items from now on, and in order to enforce this completely arbitrary rule I’ve eliminated three entries from yours at random. Yeah, have some of that, Bran Van 3000.
1) Nah, it’d be rubbish, you wouldn’t be allowed access to any of the buildings. Unless you shot someone and swiped their key. Actually, I wonder if that’d work in real life?
2) Is this more essential than numbers 1, 4 and 6? Is there a sliding scale? Be more specific, man.
3) No, I imagine at least one of the testers did it too. Possibly a couple of people on the team. See? All these groundless aspersions, I don’t know.
4) Nice idea, but as one lap of Twycross would take about 30 seconds, not entirely practical in terms of longevity. New missions might be difficult as well after the first two or three. “Ram-raid the zoo and pop a cap in Bongo the gorilla, then deliver these ‘ere potatoes to the tractor showroom, oo-ar!”
6) Sabreman, damn your eyes. And he can’t even handle a sword any more, what makes you think he’d be up for a Predator-style chaingun jungle massacre?
8) It was probably the colour that clashed most offensively with the background at the time I was drawing him, because I am so hard and such a rebel.
9) Hard to tell whether that is in fact an old photo of the only pub in Twycross or you’ve got the wrong place altogether. But I have sampled the delights of our official local, yes. Most people at Rare have – it’s where a lot of our new recruits stay until they find a place of their own. Can’t comment on the beer, but the cider is certainly… authentic.
11) September 22nd, 2005. Or will it?
12) January 7th, 2006. Or… will it?
13) March 12th, 1834. Or… alright, alright.
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