Scribes – October 19th 2004
Dear Captain Lamp,
January 2005 for Kameo? March 2005 for Conker Live and Rejiggedy??? But that’s at least yonks away! Damn you all! Damn your cars! Damn your thumbs!! Hurry up, my kidneys are about to pack up and there’s only enough sockets in my shed for one Xbox or one dialysis machine.
Furthermore, do you have any plans to release any of your N64 games onto that there new Nintendo DS? Playing Banjo-Kazooie amongst a flock of gulls would give me great pleasure, whilst playing Perfect Dark sat on a coral reef would make me smile in a most suspicious way.
Yours caffeinated,
Reverend Chuck Norris (retired)
Norris, you hairy-backed freak! What can we say? At the end of the day, it’s down to MS to decide when they want to release the games for maximum market impact and when they actually can fit them into the manufacture and release schedules. So there. Now stop complaining, invent some bionic kidneys and power them through your Xbox.
And surely you know we’re going to keep our mouths shut about the DS after that throwaway Tepid Seat comment caused such a ridiculous stir…
Hey Scribes,
First off all I’d like to say Conker: Live and Reloaded blew me away at E3. Conker’s Bad Fur Day for the Nintendo 64 is my second favorite game of all time and now that I finally saw more than the multiplayer of the Xbox remake, I’m in awe. Ken Lobb was correct, Conker: Live and Reloaded has the best graphics seen on the Xbox, hell, I’d even go as far to say that they’re the best I’ve seen this generation.
Now, apart from the graphics the gameplay and everything still seems intact, brilliant job. Now, onto business… Remember way back when when the big old scary company called Microsoft bought you guys? Yeah well, you guys said on your site that you would get the old stuff back up pretty soon. Here I am still, waiting for that stuff to come back. I really don’t mind it much except for I’m without my precious Conker’s Bad Fur Day MP3s… I loved listening to those while I was browsing the internet looking at all of… uh… Rare’s… yes, Rare’s excellent games.
Come on guys, bring the old stuff back… At least the MP3s… And if you do, be absolutely sure to bring back the ending sequence to Conker’s BFD. You know, the one where Conker is king and he says, “I just wanna go home, with Berri, and I dunno…” (Snip! Ruin it for a whole new generation of players, why don’t you? – Ed)
Yeah… Sorry. Ending sequence to Conker’s BFD > Mr. Pants’ red underwear.
Davis (yes that is my first name, not last name)
Okay, okay. Bowing to the possibility that BFD, JFG & co. may never reclaim the kind of on-site presence that they commanded in years past (you know – when they were new on the shelves and paying our bills), I’ve finally herded all the old MP3s into one place and given them their own page in the Downloads section. Will that quench your raging thirst for porn videogame soundtracks, slave-driver? Although if you were really so full of admiration you’d have downloaded them when we first started dishing them out years ago, you… you… casual fan.
So what’s your surname? Fred? Phil?
Dear Scribes,
First of all, I’m sorry to ask this stupid question, because I think it was asked like 10 zillion times before, but please at least try to read on:
I was on xbox.com (USA) and it says Conker: Live & Reloaded will be released in March 2005, then I went to xbox.com (Australia) and there it says July 2004. So what’s the right date? I’m pretty sure it’s March 2005 because July would be just too f%$§ing cool, but please prove me wrong!
Thanks for reading this far, btw. Do I get noticed if my email makes it onto the page?
Guerrilla
Let’s see. It’s now October 2004, so unless the game was released, unfinished, three months ago without anyone here being told to stop working on it, I’d say the US site could be nearer the mark. Of course, you did send this in May, so the sarcasm is entirely unwarranted. Never stopped me before, though.
Do you get ‘noticed’ by appearing in Scribes? I’m not sure. Possibly you’ll make your way onto some kind of Government blacklist, or maybe Steven Soderbergh will add your name to his dream casting sheet for the upcoming live-action Scribes movie.
Dear Scribes,
On a lark I visited the files page for Kameo and listened to the Once Upon a Time audio snippet. I must say that I haven’t been this impressed since Castlevania IV and Final Fantasy II for the SNES. Could you tell me who the composer is, and whether or not it’s midi or if it’s a real/live orchestra? If it’s an orchestra, which one is it? Quite a few people may deserve multiple pats on the back.
Ryan
The good Mr. Burke will be your composer for this trip, and he has this to say about the tune in question:
“The Once Upon a Time tune is a mixture of real and synthetic instruments. The real instrumental element to this track is the voice, which was recorded in the Rare recording studio by a rather talented Irish singer. I multi-tracked her voice to thicken out the harmony and used certain words in Manx (language from the Isle of Man that I was taught in school) to help with the phrasing of the music. I used Cubase to write it, Gigastudio to play back the sampled instruments and Pro Tools in the studio to record the vocal lines. Added a bit of fairy dust on the top and Bob’s ya uncle, job done!”
Dear Scribes,
I work in a video game store and a while ago a disenchanted Gamecube owner started a conversation about Rare becoming a part of Microsoft Game Studios and how disappointed he was with this (I’m expressing this euphemistically – he was disenchanted after all). He proceeded to tell me how Microsoft had wasted their money, and that Rare’s committment to produce 5 games over three years (or whatever it was – I’m not sure where he got these figures from) was unrealistic and that Microsoft would stifle creativity and Rare would be ruined for rushing out sub-par games – etc, etc. You get the idea!
I thought about this conversation and decided to rifle through my old N64 collection to see what Rare games I had – they included GoldenEye, Killer Instict Gold, Banjo-Kazooie, Donkey Kong 64 and Diddy Kong Racing – and then thought of the other games I didn’t have (yeah shame on me I know) such as Banjo-Tooie, Perfect Dark, Conker’s BFD, Jet Force Gemini – and I’m sure there are a few I can’t think of either. Given the 64 had a 4-5 year shelf life – that’s at least 8 or more games over 4-5 years, and they were some of the best games I have ever played. I’m not worried – I have faith in you guys. I’ve been eagerly watching the footage of Conker: Live and Reloaded – and am looking forward to waging war over Xbox Live, and have to admit that the E3 coverage fo Kameo has sparked my interest in a game I had previously dismissed. Keep up the good work – but I’ll add my voice with all the others who have previously mentioned – we want another Killer Instinct… please?… Pretty please?
Dave
Cheers for the vote of confidence. What nobody seems to remember is that it wasn’t us who said we’d crank out five games over two/three years – when we saw that reported we were all going “Five games? Really? Blimey.” Nevertheless, we’d probably have gone for it if it wasn’t for the fact that with all the activity over the last few years, it hasn’t exactly been business as usual. Teams have been restructured and sized up, projects redesigned and/or carried over to the new system, all this first in preparation for the acquisition then afterwards in an attempt to find our feet in the MGS line-up – and it didn’t make things any easier that we’d jumped right into the middle of a console’s lifecycle. Anyway, the dust is still settling, but our internal schedules are looking pretty solid now and over the next year or so we’ll really start getting back into our stride.
What in blazes?!?
Okay, I’m all for the games Rare is putting out, but where is my Banjo-Threeie?!?! I didn’t hear any news about it from E3, and you guys aren’t giving any ideas at all.
Look, I’m a reasonable guy, so I’m willing to overlook the lack of information. I’m willing to overlook the purchase of you by Microsoft. I’m even willing to overlook the unexplained mysteries surrounding the series. Just give me info!
Don’t tell me you haven’t heard anything. I know you snoop around the office, reading memos, and stealing beagles.
JUST TELL ME SOMETHING!!!!!
Mr. Quizmo
I haven’t heard anything (kicks beagle under desk). But I’ll ask the team leader on your behalf.
“It’s a little-known fact (that even the Rare Witch Project boys haven’t found) that Banjo-Threeie was a secret unlockable feature in Ghoulies – but as no-one bought our splendid haunted house romp, no-one will ever play it. So there. When there is some Banjo information to share, you’ll be the first to know (along with the other five remaining Banjo fans) – although you may be too frail to even hold a controller by then…”
Dear Scribes,
Apparently it’s time for my annual E3 inspired letter. Who knew that May would roll around so quickly.
My question concerns Conker. Congratulations on the spectacular eye-candy that you have achieved with the latest version – it is truly a triumph – but I’m curious about Conker’s origins. We all know that it began life as 12 Tales – but what we (o.k., I) don’t know is if 12 Tales actually made it past the drawing board to become, in Pinocchio speak, a real live boy. If so, any chance of it being released as part of a future Conker; perhaps as a “bonus” game? I’d love to play it, in all its sickeningly sweet majesty. Perhaps you could send me my own personal copy.
Ryan Nelson
Actually, it was Conker’s Quest before it became Twelve Tales. And yes, by that point there was a fair chunk of playable game in there, though you can imagine how much had to be dumped when the team careered off down the Bad Fur Day route. Considering Twelve Tales was both unfinished and, shall we say, less than representative of the final version of the game, I think the chances of it turning up as playable and widely available code in the future are roughly on par with the chances of Michael Bay making a low-key black-and-white drama about the everyday trials of a Romanian immigrant family.
Dear Scribes,
What the devil’s pants did you guys do to Kameo? She went from classy tanned cutie to trashy 4-pence streetworker. Now, I’m all for skimpy outfits and kinky tattoos, but the new Kameo strikes me as bordering on the vulgar. What triggered this devolution? Please don’t go through with this, I loved the first Kameo so!
Many worries,
Peter Meldgaard, DK
Did you co-author this with DK, or is he your secret identity? If it’s the latter, do you have full Nintendo authorisation for your vigilante alter ego?
To be honest, I much prefer Kameo’s new look (it’s also more suited to the darker tone of the game these days). But there’s been a whole range of opinions in the feedback we’ve had. Just goes to show, one man’s meat is another man’s clown boots, and so on. And as the lead artist says: “We prefer to think of the changes to Kameo as an evolution. You never know though, perhaps if you practice hard at the game and become a worthy enough warrior then you may just find a way to restore Kameo to her former self.”
Hi there Scribes,
I have been studying for the scourge of the earth known as A level exams recently, and in between, on my many “study breaks” I have been replaying DK64, which I never managed to get close to finishing.
Anyway, I was fighting my way through part of the temple in Angry Aztec (the one where Donkey collects a Banana and then is told by a sinister disembodied voice to “GET OUT”) and the music sounded startlingly familiar. For the most part, it seems to be identical to the music of Perfect Dark‘s Area 51, only changing slightly to give some chanting in places.
Was this a “study break” on the part of the musicians, or a genuine coincidence? Do you know or care? Will the slippery eel of misfortune mean that my email is never read? Will Banjo Pilot be a success, despite the absence of a certain cheery simian pal? Answers to some or fewer of these questions would make interesting reading at the least…
Have a nice day everyone,
The archduke Storm of Gaxon
The slippery eel of misfortune managed to get your letter wrapped around its head, slithered blindly up a sewer pipe while trying to shake it off, and… well, to cut a long and slightly unpleasant story short, Grant ended up using it as toilet paper. But he still read and answered it afterwards, the trooper.
“I did write both pieces of music so I suppose there is a chance they sound similar, I can’t actually remember the DK tune as it’s so long ago and I’m getting on now and my memory’s failing me! Erm… so basically, possibly in the same vein but definitely not identical!”
Dear Scribes,
I have just discovered that It’s Mr. Pants is actually complete, awaiting publication but that THQ are not interested in doing so. Fools.
In order to remedy this situation, I offer to serve as publisher for this particular title. My fee would only amount to however much it costs to start a publishing firm and fund the production run for around a hundred thousand copies of a GBA title. I’d cut costs on marketing and PR by spreading the word on several popular forums and also coming up with an Acclaim-style marketing campaign. I propose a bunch of pants stuck inside the perspex of bus shelter ad bays.
I await Rare’s acceptance of our agreement.
Yours,
Paul Moran, Rareware Publishing Ltd. (Glasgow)
I’m not sure you want to be pimping any of your services as ‘Acclaim-style’ given recent developments. Anyway, it’s all academic as THQ have ultimately seen the light, bless them. It’s up to them whether or not they want to take the bus shelter pant assault concept any further, but personally I think you’re onto a winner.
Dear Scribes,
I’m making this letter up as I go along so it’s in number format. I know you hate that, but I’m doing it anyway.
1. Having not been British for a good portion of my life, I never played the Sinclair Spectrum. However, I did find some emulators/remakes on a wonderful thing you may have heard of called the Internet. How I lived missing out on Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy, and the Dizzy series, I’ll never know. I was going to submit an RPA of all my favorite Spectrum characters having a fun party, but opted instead to tell the dramatic tale of long-forgotten friends being reunited by fate when tragedy strikes and Dizzy is killed in a gang war. As you can see, Robbie the Robot still holds Dizzy against his bad life choices and attended the funeral reluctant and bitter. After the funeral, Miner Willy ended up getting drunk and losing all of the memorandum photos in a mansion filled with wacky fun-tastic puzzles and action. What followed was a madcap adventure where everybody involved learned the true meaning of friendship, and the Head Over Heels dog learned that he was only homophobic because he was suppressing his own homosexuality all these years. It took the death of a beloved friend to make them all realize how precious life is. Dizzy, by the way, died slowly and with much pain.
2. Speaking of old Spectrum characters, Sabreman’s voice in his new GBA game is the exact same one I imagine Mr. Pants having. And speaking of Mr. Pants, I doubt you’ll let much info of It’s Mr. Pants out (unless you’re posting this years after an information blowout has been released) but how much of the Mr. Pants cast will be involved? Mrs. Pie seems obvious, but what about Mr. Pie? Mr. Trout seems unlikely, but what about Mr. Paint and Mr. Stamp? And please tell me there’s a rhino in the game somewhere.
3. Banjo-Kazooie would have been a lot cooler had Kazooie been a snake. One that spits venom. Because, come on, snakes that spit venom are just plain COOL. With the O’s all dragged out and in italics: Coooooooooooooooooool.
3 again. Wait, nevermind. Snakes can’t fly, so that would have taken a lot of fun out of the game. Maybe if you had, like, a snake with a helicopter propeller? And while we’re at it, it can morph into liquid like that guy from Terminator 2.
4. I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while. Why do British people care if Americans spell color without a u? I can see eye-to-eye with you on the football/soccer thing, applying the name football to a game where you barely use your foot at all is just silly, but spelling? There have to be worse things about our country to concern yourself with. Like the fact that we contain both California and the Deep South.
Bhlaab
1) I’m torn between my fond original memories of these games and the disturbing new ones that you’re trying to shove into my head. But seeing as you’ve clearly done full psychological evaluations of these characters and their motivations, maybe you can explain the satisfied double thumbs-up gesture that Jetman appears to be making towards Dizzy’s rotting corpse. Are you trying to imply some kind of sadistic Ultimate-Codemasters platforming rivalry, or are you just crap at drawing?
2) Not years after an information blowout, no, just a few months. Finger on the pulse, mate. There is actually a quite offensive picture of Mr. Pants sitting on a rhino somewhere on my hard drive, but I won’t go into the circumstances surrounding its creation.
3) Man, I so get where you’re coming from. And Banjo should have had armour like Shredder and fired lasers out of his nose.
4) Because it’s our language and you didn’t check with us first to make sure it was okay, dammit! (By the way: Texan local radio stations. A casual visitor would be hard pressed to find a scarier facet of American life.)
Dear Scribes,
i have played alot of games before, but banjo kazooie is still the best ever! rare has to make another banjo kazooie for a CONSOLE. me and my sister spent years beating the game over and over again. MY SISTER EVEN BOUGHT A GAMEBOY AvD SP JUST SO SHE COULD PLAY GRUNTY”S REVENGe. So please make anoter banjo kazooie game for either xbox or g-cube
oooorr you could make for n64, now that would be awsome
Alex Depatie
Those years you spent playing Banjo over and over again… they weren’t your school years, by any chance? Specifically the ones with important English classes? I mean, ‘AvD’ – what’s that? Alien Vs. Dredator?
Unfortunately we couldn’t make anoter awsome for n64, or g-cube for that matter, but an outing for the idiot bear on future MS platforms is a definite possibility.
Dear Sir Scribeth the 3rd, esq., of Eddlebury,
It seems your fine establishment have offered us little in terms of Conker: Live & Reloaded singer player goodies. I have found a few E3 movies from those bloody so-called “game coverage” sites, but what would really make me happy is, at the very least, an MP3 of the Windy theme music. I’ve heard it briefly in one of those aforementioned movies, and if that’s of any hint to the rest of the game’s soundtrack, then give Mr. Beanland a complimentary tapioca pudding on my behalf. You serve that in your cafeteria, no? If not, some chocolate mousse would be fine. Or a trip in the Batwing. Whatever suits him. Hmm… does your cafeteria serve bat wings?
Anyway, I’d appreciate, well, any C:L&R; MP3. You guys seem to be putting up a ton of MP3s these days… so if you could go ahead and do that, that would be great. M’kay? Thanks a bunch Milton.
Ag3ntJay
Excerpts from the fancied-up Live & Reloaded soundtrack should be something we can provide you with in the near future, I don’t see why not. Just don’t pester me for an exact date: we’ll get ’em when we get ’em. For now, at least you can listen to the original Windy & Co. over on the Downloads pages.
Big Batman fan Robin predictably chooses the Batwing trip, but “only if it’s not the crap Batwing from Batman & Robin”.
Dear Scribes people,
I’m just writing again with my usual babble. And of course, here is the required list format for the questions:
1) Are you irritated that EA are (ab)using the GoldenEye title to cover up a new Bond title that will quite clearly suck, because it clashes with all existing Bond story and timelines, hmm? It’s not like they’ll ever make anything as good as GoldenEye so they have to leech your genius.
2) E3 came and E3 went and still no sign of It’s Mr Pants. I’m beginning to think you were joking about the title. And as you cut that bit out of my previous email, is It’s Mr Pants just –
3) Is It’s Mr Pants just a really good reason to have a game that can be referred to as IMP?
4) As you’re allowed to develop for the GBA, will you be developing for the Nintendo DS and/or the Sony PSP?
Anyway, that’s my numbered list for now, and I didn’t even mention any PD Push Button codes. Huzzah for my ability to stay on topic.
Anyway, hope you’ll reply before the release of Perfect Dark 0,
OS out
1) We’re philosophical about it – we’re just curious to see the end result. Personally, though, I think the justification for using the name is ‘fantastic’.
2) Sorry, what? You keep breaking up. See if you can get a better signal outside.
3) I’m confused – why would anyone think that IMP was funnier than just calling the damn thing It’s Mr. Pants?
4) Not this again. Alright, well, I’d have thought one was more likely than the other, but on the other hand I’m not aware of any sealed deals, so anything I say is pure speculation (and therefore a world exclusive 100% confirmed fact front page story on SPOnG).
Er… Hello Scribes!
Whilst looking back through some old Scribe pages, a few questions popped up in my head. You mentioned that the main character in Dream was a human (before the rabbit and bear). You also mentioned that Blackeye was in the game, was he the main character? Also, when you see him at Jolly’s, he says that he ‘Had a DREAM’ and a bear (Banjo?) stole his glory, would this back up my theory that he was in Dream, and that he was the main character until Banjo was later decided upon, thus, ‘stealing his glory’?
A truly devoted BK fanatic
As you noticed, we’ve already said that Blackeye was in Dream. So your theory that Blackeye was in Dream is a pretty good one. But no, he was never the main character. I don’t think it was ever a rabbit either, but if it was, he’d probably have been called ‘Humpo’.
Dear Rare,
My name is Adam Dobay, and I am writing from the distant country of Hungary. I’m a university student who has worked in creating some of the small number of Hungarian computer games and also someone who thought up “computer game history and aesthetics” as a hobby (seems academic and you can also play games :), and I’ve always loved Rare’s games, you have always been very innovative in gaming, have introduced new ideas and concepts to genres with being able to set very good moods for all the games you made. So I’ve written to thank you for your hard work and wish you more success in what you do.
One thing that has bothered me for a time though is, I’ve bought a used N64 a few months ago, complete with the fabled Diddy Kong Racing. I do not consider myself a bad player but there’s obviously something wrong with me since I could find no damned way to beat the first instalment of Wizpig since May. It’s getting very irritating. Sure, I tried with all the characters, always step on all the zipper thingees, but still no success, I can never get in front of the pig. Of course, I’ve read the guides on the Internet, but nothing, they all say “Oh, get in front of Wizpig by the second lap and you’re sure to win”. Man, but how? Sorry to bother you with this but surely after so many years, could you please give me a hint regarding how to beat that piggy race? I could perhaps even throw in some fine Hungarian chocolate in return. Pretty please with sugar on the top?
Thank you for reading my letter.
Adam Dobay
Thank you for writing to us expecting a serious answer. Such charming innocence is almost enough to make us want to live up to your expectations. I’m prepared to go as far as locating somebody who was on the DKR team… ah, here we go.
“That’s a long time ago, has the N64 just come out in Hungary?
“You’ve actually answered your own question. You need to drive at full speed, hit every zipper and stay in front of Wizpig. There may be some techniques that you don’t know about, such as just before you hit a zipper take your finger off accelerate, then when you hit the zipper you’ll get an even bigger boost of speed (the exhaust fumes will change colour if you’ve done it correctly), then just as your revs start dropping put your finger back on accelerate again. There’s also another technique where if you constantly tap accelerate as fast you can, you’ll go faster and faster.
“Hope this helps, send the chocolate ASAP, these sort of tips don’t come for free. And keep an eye out over the next five years as the Xbox will be heading your way!”
Dear all-knowing Scribes,
Are Microsoft and Nintendo going to collaborate during the next console battle? With Nintendo having lost you (you as in Rare. Not saying you don’t inspire the teams to write compelling games), and not really producing any triple A titles, they’re in need for a partner. Just figured it would be nice to play Zelda (non-cartoon) and Perfect Dark on the same console again. Besides, tactically they’d both have better chances of standing up against Sony. So, whaddya think? The X-Cube? Game-Box? N-X Box?
William
Why don’t you ask your Wish Wellingtons?
Beyond that sterling piece of advice, I’ve got nothing to offer. It seems unlikely at best – Nintendo has always been very proud of its independence. And you never know, it might be in this coming generation that the balance tips, one way or another, without the need for any such alliance. Nobody’s denying that Sony’s done well in the last couple of generations, but it isn’t going to hang onto that lead forever…
I MSUT BE IN KI3 BECUSE I AM 0N TEH PAGE OMG
G’day,
You’ve heard it all before and been asked a 1 000 001 times, but with the release of Mortal Kombat Deception, DOA: Ultimate & Tekken 5, do you think that Killer Instinct 3 would be a competitor?
Those games have been in the making for some time now and all 3 have had screenshots. Because of this I have to come to the conclusion that Rare is NOT currently making KI3, as it would be silly not to at least put a teaser, as in some kind of render or screenshot.
It is disappointing as I believe that all of Rare’s current games really are intended for the younger gamers, whereas the majority of gamers are aged in their late teens – early 20s, which is a statistically proven fact. This would go to show why MK Deadly Alliance was a massive success.
It would certainly be one of the better fighting games out there if KI3 was there… but is it even in the pipeline for a current-gen console release?
Really hoping for a response to this…
TC
I thought you’d already come to the indisputable scientific conclusion that we aren’t making it? So why are you asking if we are? Have some consistency, man!
Once more, with feeling: yes, one day we may well make KI3, it’s entirely possible, but at this particular moment in time it’s not happening. There are various reasons for this, none of which have anything to do with Mortal Kombat. But rest assured that if and when development begins, and we reach a point where we have something that we’re happy to announce to the public, then that’s what we’ll do – rather than, say, lying and persisting in keeping it hidden for no good reason.
As a side note, I’d love to know what made you decide that Conker: Live & Reloaded (blood, swearing, mutilation) and Perfect Dark Zero (people being shot in the face) are “intended for the younger gamers”.
Hello Mr. Scrib,
I am patiently waiting your upcoming titles and can’t wait to play Conker on Live. I was wondering,
1) Do you plan on including Beach mode from the original Conker’s BFD as a Live gametype? That would be so great! If not then fine, I will except three new gametypes in its place.
2) What’s you IQ… in imperial terms not that whacky “metric” stuff.
3) Your music rocks! That’s not a question so… why does your music rock? Tell Beanland he is a god! As well as Kirkhope and Wise, but especially Beanland. If I am correct it sounds like him on the Kameo music, or am I wrong?
4) Kameo looks great! Love the new look but on an unrelated note… who did the music for Captain Skyhawk? Since you guys felt compelled not to credit anyone on the game… or maybe that was Milton Bradley (hah). Great ending on that one by the way… definitely warrants a hugely profitable sequel.
5) I know Perfect Dark 0 exists! SHoW mE TeH Scr33nSh0+s!!!1!!!1… please? Cough Xbox2 cough Launch title…..
Well I guess that’s it as long as you promise not to give me a non-answer about Perfect Dark 0… Promise?… Eh?
Patiently plotting – I mean waiting,
Darker tahn j00
1) I don’t, no. Why would you want to leave out three whole game types? Etc.
2) Actually I’m a bit thick, but at least I can console myself by being able to spell ‘your’ and ‘wacky’, arse-brain.
3) Nope, it’s not Robin on Kameo. Does that make him less of a god? I share a corridor with him now, and I can tell you that the force of his divine aura would trigger continuous sensory overload if it wasn’t for the countering effect of Grant’s farts.
4) The game’s programmer and near enough one-man team says: “That would be our good friend Mr. Wise. He was our only musician back in those days.”
5) Non. Merci beaucoup.
Dear Rareware team:
I have a question that makes me have nightmares every night:
What does the famous (and REALLY cool, of course) sentence “The perfect core, darker tan you” mean?
Perfect Dark is my favourite game of all I’ve played, so I’m really interested in the meaning of the sentence (in fact is my signature in a videogame forum ;)). Thanks a lot, keep doing good games!
Jesús Jiménez Hidalgo
PD.- Excuse me for my bad use of English, I don’t use this language very often. Oh, and please, answer me! If you do so, I will send you a “Iberic ham” from Spain!
What? Famous sentence? Where? I’m confused. Perhaps you should ask the bloke who sent the letter above. And why do you want to send us meat products? Can you imagine the state they’d be in once they got here? Julie would be furious.
I forwarded this to Botters, foolishly thinking it might make sense to him, but alas: “I really, honestly have no idea what he’s going on about. It could refer to a dodgy translation of the game text into Spanish, equally dodgily translated back into English. But what the original phrase was? I have no bloody idea.”
Also, regarding your name: I can’t decide whether to do a gag about religion or horses, so you’re spared.
Dear Scribes,
It really bothered me that I had never beaten Perfect Dark on Perfect Agent so I decided to do so the other day. When the credits were rolling, something interesting caught my eye: “Rare (Miami)”, followed by a few names. I am currently living in Orlando and going to school for game design so I was very intrigued. Anyway, I did some research on the internet and the last thing I could find about the place was a letter in Scribes stating that it was being “wound down”. This was all at the time of the Microsoft purchase. So I was wondering, if the administrative place no longer exists in Miami, where is it now? Does Rare no longer need one because of Microsoft? That would make sense. So I suppose my question is, what would be Rare’s localization in the United States?
I would also like to say that either the next Perfect Dark needs to come out or else Halo 2 needs to ship with a Callisto.
Crisp NTG
Microsoft. That’s pretty much the answer to all your questions. Having said that, it’s not as if MS took over Rare Miami’s role, because Nintendo used to handle most of those things anyway. Rare Miami was purely a liaison/administration outfit, and never really got involved in the development side of things, including specialist tasks like game localisation – it only ever had about five employees, for a start.
Dear Rareware,
You guys used to be my favorite developer, but now you’re not. Don’t be ass-clowns, and think it’s my fault. It’s all your fault. You start out making a few of the best games ever, like Killer Instinct, Perfect Dark and Conker, but now you’re taking a 2 year dump and trying to call it a Kameo, which used to look beautiful. You turned it into crap! When you were still with Nintendo you sucked when you thought you could take StarFox, and make a fun… uh… Zelda-esque game. Honestly, even some of the puzzles in DinoPlanet were taken straight from Zelda. After that, you sold yourselves like 2 cent French whores to Microsoft. Ok, make that multi-million dollar British whores. That was probably the dumbest thing you guys ever did. I bet more than half your talent left after that trade. After your 1 year orgy with Microsoft, you decide to pull a game out your asses and call it Grabbed by your Grandmother’s Teats. And don’t laugh at me when you try to tease me with that Killer Instinct 3 box in the closet. We all know that’s never going to happen. Nintendo probably has all the guys that worked on KI, and there’s no way in Heaven or Hell that that title would be in the arcades. I believe Midway helped you out with that, and there is no Midway Arcade division anymore. Wait, we can’t forget about the great GBA title Sabrepileofshi. Oh, wait… I already did. Not only that, but you idiots had the nerve to get me excited about the upcoming Conker title. It’s pretty much the first one all over again. You polish the graphics a little bit and throw in more sounds in it and try to call it a masterpiece (of sht). I’m not too thrilled about your X-Box Live support either… Ok, I’m done. Microsoft can get back to jerking your bloody little w*nkers now. Enjoy the dough while you can, but I felt like you guys needed to know that you have let me, along with thousands upon thousands of people down. Just remember, you do have a chance to redeem yourselves. Maybe I’ll let you into my kingdom if you do. I’ll be watching you.
Bless you,
God
That was one mother of a paragraph, God. Impressively foul mouth you’ve got too, despite your lack of familiarity with proper use of the ‘w’ word. Can we take this as proof that God’s not British?
You are of course entitled to your almighty opinion, but let’s quickly go over a few relevant facts: 1) Ghoulies was originally in development for the GameCube, before the MS deal. 2) Nintendo has none of the guys that worked on KI. 3) “More than half our talent” leaving would only be accurate if our entire talent at the time was in the single figures. 4) Bad Fur Day, for all its technical upgrades, is still only a fraction of Live & Reloaded. 5) Kameo’s taken much longer than two years. No, hang on – forget that one.
By the way, I couldn’t bring myself to put the charming Grabbed by your Grandmother’s Teats or Sabrepileofshi* in green text, but feel free to rectify that in mysterious ways if it annoys you.
Dear Scribes,
I have a concern about Kameo. So I figured only you guys could truly answer my question. My question is will Kameo still have the bright and colorful levels shown off at TGS and E3 last year? They really show off the graphics and just make the game seem a lot more pleasant. I know this year a castle level was shown. It is pretty hard to make a dark castle “bright and colorful” after all. I have one more question. Will Kameo still have her assistant Meepo (I think that was the name)? Thanks for your time and keep up the good work.
Sincerely, a devoted Rare fanboy,
Eric
Make your minds up, you buggers – do you want Kameo to look darker and more mature or not? Honestly, there’s no pleasing some people.
Kameo’s lead artist is probably a good person to put this one to: “Kameo does still feature plenty of eye-catching colourful areas as well as the dark scary strongholds of the bad guys. As for her assistant Meepo, well, he was unfortunately a victim of a malicious act of magic that turned him to stone so he won’t be assisting Kameo on her adventure.” Meepo = teH# G0nAr.
‘Eyyyyy!
Whilst recently watching the History Channel (not that I’m a history geek, or anything… honest), I saw a documentary on Hitler’s forged diaries. All was going well, until the bit where it was announced to the German people that the diaries were in fact fake.
And here’s the interesting part – the background music was straight from Star Fox Adventures! The music that plays when you release a Krazoa Spirit (with that demonic, yet angelic… chanting. I think). Is there some connection of Hitler with Star Fox Adventures? Does General Scales represent Hitler? Does Fox represent the Americans, or the Soviet Union? There are so many theories we could draw up!
Very paranoidly yours,
Steven Daniels
P.S. Arse; Perfect Dark Zero; Grabbed by the Ghoulies is mediocre; Push button codes.
Well, I think I do remember the design docs stating that the Krazoa were Communists. Although I might be wrong. Or lying.
Mr. Wise says: “The words were adapted from Danish, thanks to a bit of help from a Danish artist on the team. The performance was by one of our nannies from the creche. As for the History Channel connection, I’ve no idea!”
Dear Scribes,
Yeah, I’m bitter that you left Nintendo, and were bought by Micro$oft. So sue me. But still I try to keep up with you. Call me dedicated. Actually, call me obsessed. Oh, and I own an Xbox too, so go figure.
I realize that EA now owns the rights to any new Bond games. But how much of the rights to GoldenEye do you own? Would you be able to remake the game if you wanted? Remake the same game with new graphics? Port the original to the Xbox? I would LOVE to see a slightly cleaned-up version of GoldenEye with online play. Of course I’d like to see it on GameCube, but I know why that won’t happen.
Which brings me to my next question… how long are you going to continue with Game Boy development? It looks to me like you are basically just finishing up games that you had already announced long ago, even before Micro$oft bought you up (damn, you guys are slow), rather than working on any brand-new (that is, post-acquisition) projects for GBA. Once all these projects are finished, will you stop making Game Boy (or any Nintendo) projects?
And on the same line as GoldenEye, is there any chance that you might port/upgrade the original Perfect Dark for Xbox? Y’know… with online play? That would be cool also. Oh, and another thought on GoldenEye. If you can’t use the Bond license in ANY CAPACITY at all, could you simply port the content of the game but use new characters and themes? Call it, I dunno, “SilverOrb” or something and have it star… uh, Jim Bonne?
Michael Williams
Two issues addressed by representatives of two teams. Look at that for efficiency. Now who the hell’s Jim Bonne?
007 antics: “GoldenEye would have to be more than ‘slightly’ cleaned up before it was up to scratch. As for the rights to GoldenEye/GoldenEye/’GoldenEye’, I suspect EA would have made sure they had those before they announced a game of the same name. It gets a little tricky trying to figure out who had which rights to what, and to whom they were given, and besides, I’m a busy man.”
GBA shenanigans: “We have just finished Banjo Pilot due for release in January. We currently have one other project left to complete, this should be completed early next year. After that you’ll just have to wait and see.”
I’ve just realised it would have been far funnier to get the right teams to answer the wrong questions, thus providing even less useful information. Must bear that in mind for next time.
Dear Golden Feather of Ultimate Doom and Mild Peril,
I have a few questions for you to answer as my curious curious mind has drawn me to email you them, despite the health risks involved in trying to contact a feather.
1. On one games website, I saw a picture of Conker playing a Game Boy Advance SP. I’m assuming it is used to promote a future project. But how come MGS haven’t said, “Hey! No promoting competitors’ hardware or we’ll roll you up in a carpet and chuck you off a bridge! Mwahahaaaaaa” and so on?
2. What is the future project Conker is experiencing?
3. Seeing as MGS allow you to create games for handhelds still, will you be developing for the NDS? I’d love to play a port of Banjo-Kazooie – seeing as my Nintendo 64 controllers are knackered (that’ll confuse the American readers) and playing your best Super Mario 64 clone is kinda difficult at present.
4. How come it’s taking you so long to make and release games? I know Rare have a reputation for such things but there are so many franchises you could make into new games, if only to bide the time for the big budget games like Kameo and Perfect Dark! Battletoads for one. Quality game I had on the old monochrome Game Boy. Would be great to see what you do with a 3D graphics engine and a toad with an axe.
Anyway, that’s it for now. Keep up the good work on the doomsday machine. One day you’ll be able to hold the world to ransom for all the underpants in the world!
Edgy
1) He was playing a Game Boy in the original, so he’s still doing it in the remake (with updated hardware as appropriate). It’s not a marketing thing. MS have no problem with it, though it remains to be seen if it sticks around all the way through to the final version.
2) Probably bloody KI3, knowing my luck.
3) If I knew I’d tell you, but I don’t, so I won’t. Actually, if I did know I probably wouldn’t tell you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t. Or do I? Well… no.
4) As mentioned previously, the past couple of years have obviously been a wee bit unsettled in terms of development. Which, combined with the need for ever-expanding development teams, basically resulted in our schedule being drop-kicked out of the window.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pop out for a moment as I’ve just eaten a sausage roll that was not only filled with delectable gristly bits but also carried an enchanting aftertaste of mould.
”Dear” Mr Scribes-fella… thing,
In the last Scribes, you said that there was no female… errr, green gorilla-style freaks that can’t speak properly. However, anyone who has beaten the crap out of Klungo three times knows that his famous last words (well, maybe not last words, but words) are: “Mrsss. Klungo don’t want me anymore.” Does that mean that Mrs. Klungo is just a sick little fantasy from the inside of his green brain, or are you an idiot?
And why didn’t the Mutant Snippets reappear in B-T or B-K:GR? In both games, there are worlds fit for mutated crabs that go “hsss” (Grunty Industries and Spiller’s Harbour).
Maniacal Gruntling
“Well,” begins the Banjo head honcho, “we’d ask Klungo what he meant, but he’s not been seen since the end of B-T – where he left Grunty’s service to start work on his own video game as I recall. Maybe the hunchback’s effort will even be made into a real game at some point, although Mr. Pants had to wait several years for his glory (and even this still isn’t released) so I wouldn’t hold your breath. As for the Mutant Snippets, how exactly could they return when Banjo wiped out their entire population by breaking them into little pieces?”
Dear Scribes,
Hey, I’m pretty sure that if you added a rubbish bassline, some dodgy drum sounds and some odd sound effects to some of the letters, you actually COULD take it straight to No. 1, and have your track on the next Ibiza Clubbers’ Anthems: Same Tracks, Different Order. Well, that’s just what I think, I mean, look at Busted, or the Cheeky Girls for example.
Sorry, I got as carried away as a dwarf by a bunch of cruel bullies there. My main question – at the release of Conker Live and Reloaded, is there any chance of a GBA version or tie-in?
Matthew Taylor
Don‘t get me started. The top of the UK charts this month has been hogged by some diseased remix of Steve Winwood’s Valerie, which doesn’t even credit Steve Winwood. Not that I’m a massive fan or defender of Steve Winwood, but frankly, if I was Steve Winwood, I’d be fuming. Unless I could suddenly afford to build a full-size jumbo jet out of money.
Oh, hang on: I’ve just been informed by one of the company directors (no, really) that Steve Winwood not only knew about the remix in advance but actually re-recorded the vocals specifically. Well, I don’t care – it’s still rubbish.
No Conker GBA tie-in that I know of, unless someone’s planning an ill-advised simultaneous relaunch of Conker’s Pocket Tales.
Yo Scribes!
Is history repeating itself? Conker’s Bad Fur Day was released very near the end of the N64’s lifespan and I was wondering if the same was happening to L&R; due to the supposed Xbox successor coming as early as the end of 2005. CBFD never got the attention it deserved because of being less than a year away from the GCN’s release and as a result didn’t sell as well as it could have done. Is this happening again? Is Conker destined to be the last Rolo of video games that everybody wants?
The Joker
We certainly can’t complain about the level of coverage that Live & Reloaded’s been getting so far. And the fact that the Xbox’s successor is coming so soon means that the Xbox development scene hasn’t had time to decline to the state that the N64’s was in by the time 2001 rolled around, so the potential for marketing and sales is already a big step up from there. Beyond that kind of broad assumption, though, we can only wait and see.
Dear Scribes,
I just thought I’d infiltrate Scribes while I’m here, had fun on the Tepid Seat! I’ve got some more semi-interesting questions from a ten-year fan! (Me, in case you didn’t understand where I was going with that…)
1. It’s Mr. Pants, DKC2, AND Banjo-Pilot being put out THIS year?! Now, when you say this year, you mean in Europe, eh? Well, I’m sure I’ll get DKC2 here in November… I hope.
2. OK, I’ve figured out the basic functionality of the different classes for C:L&R;, but why do the Thermophile characters have a flamethrower in some renders, and a medical-looking syringe weapon in others? Are Thermo’s combat medics? If so, COOL!
3. Out of the warriors in Kameo, the Little Shop of Horrors plant looks like a great choice, and is sure to get a lot of play time from myself. What is the bugger’s name? Unless the trolls are packing herbicide (weed killer for the average Scribes fan), they seem fairly screwed…
OK, I’m satisfied for now, keep up the excellent work!
Waiting patiently,
Zenek
Bloody numbered bloody lists…
1) As I don’t know where ‘here’ is, it’s hard to say whether or not you can expect DKC2 this year. I think Pilot’s always been pencilled in for next year, though as we don’t have a solid date for it in any territory yet, no telling where it’s going to launch first.
2) Can’t a character have a few different weapons? They’re not really combat medics, no. Actually we need to nail down which pieces of artwork are still relevant – with the game still deep in development, the weapon selection for each class keeps changing.
3) There are actually two playable examples of psychotic shrubbery in Kameo. The one with pugilistic tendencies is Pummel Weed, the other one’s Snare. It’s probably Snare you’re thinking of, as the game’s lead artist confirms: “The warrior you’re referring to goes by the name of Snare and you could be right, because of his big mouth and his even bigger appetite the Trolls could soon be finding themselves added to the endangered species list.”
Dear Scribes,
I’m sure you get asked this question all the time, but how can I get ahold of the music from GoldenEye and Perfect Dark? As I understand it, these soundtracks were released in limited quantities long before I decided to look for them. Nowadays, you can’t even find them used or on eBay. Is there any hope that these soundtracks will ever get re-released?
Eric
Let’s ask the Kirky!
“Hello Eric. Unfortunately I don’t know of anywhere you can buy the PD soundtrack (the GoldenEye one was never available due to licensing stuff). But Leigh has some MP3s of the PD music and says he’ll start sticking them up when he can be arsed!”
No no no – what I said was I’ll get to work on it immediately because I love our fans and would do anything to make them happy. But now you come to suggest it, just putting them up whenever I can be arsed does sound better.
Dear Scribes,
Before I start getting to writing this, I’d like to mention that I am indeed, an American (yeah yeah, laugh it up).
Anywhoo, I just wanted to say that you guys did a great job on Star Fox Adventures. IT IS THE BEST GAME EVER, AND I HAVE ONLY COMPLETED 15% SO FAR. It has changed me from an Unreal junkie to a console gamer. Hey, if you guys don’t mind, I’ve got some questions for you:
1. First of all, what’s the true story here, did Rare approach Microsoft because Nintendo raped Dinosaur Planet, or did Microsoft approach you guys because of your talent?
2. In the very first parts of SFA in the Krazoa Palace (when you play Krystal), the singing voices (the AAAAHHs) are the same singing voices from most N64 games. Was this a footprint left behind from DP or was this just a bad sample? (BTW, D. Wise, you ARE THE MAN.)
3. Is it OK to be sexually attracted to Krystal?
4. In some of the cutscenes, there seems to be a slight echo to the voices even when the cutscenes take place outside. (It’s especially apparent when playing with headphones.) Is this a result of some voice compresion technology, or is this just an audio glitch?
5. Why in the heck is SFA rated T? There’s nothing really that bad in the game.
6. You guys did realize that you created the best Fox 3D model out there, right?
7. What were the file formats for the music, levels, sounds and characters?
8. Is it hard to develop for the Gamecube?
9. Is there any chance that the ORIGINAL DP could be released for the XBOX?
And the final question:
10. Where can I buy the SFA Official Soundtrack? I’ve been looking all over for it, I MUST HAVE IT!
Thanks for reading this at least (and for some great games.)
Zack McConnell
P.S.: Since I haven’t said it once in this entire e-mail, Arse.
As it happens, we have been laughing it up at an American over here – specifically, Vanilla Ice one of those crap reailty shows. The man is an idiot. And now here’s a heady mix of unhelpful answers from me and the SFA team:
1) None of it had anything to do with Dinosaur Planet. That was way before the negotiations started, and besides, the Rare-Nintendo relationship didn’t work in such a way that they’d just force the SFA switch on us.
2) Team: “Don’t be dissing The Wise, man. He’ll kick your Yank ass. See, I said ‘ass’ not ‘arse’, translating just for you.”
3) Depends whether or not you’re planning to boast about it in front of thousands of people, you scabby perv.
4) Team: “If there’s any echo it’s probably intentional – adding atmosphere and such to the surroundings. Why don’t you try going outside somewhere and recording your voice from, say, 10ft away, and then listen back on headphones and see what you get. We’d really be interested to know, really.”
5) Team: “It’s to keep all those non-teens away from the game, of course.” Actually, if you ever find out the real answer, let us know.
6) Say thanks or be sarcastic… no, I just can’t decide.
7) Team: “What sort of question is that? Some were big and others weren’t.”
8) We’d need a few specifics before tackling a question like that. Hard compared to what? Xbox? N64? Spectrum?
9) Doubt it very much, and even if it was, iIt wouldn’t be the original DP – it’d be a version that had all the bits that made it into SFA replaced with new stuff. So essentially, no.
10) To the best of my (and Dave’s) knowledge, Nintendo never released a soundtrack CD, and we can’t put the MP3s up because Nintendo own the rights. So your all-caps frothing demand is sadly in vain.
Dear Scribey McScribefolk,
It’s Mr. Pants looks wonderful. I downloaded all the movies from IGN and I must say you’ve outdone yourself in the weird music and sound effects department. It just sounds like something I want to play. One question though.
It doesn’t have a listing on Gamestop or EB or anyplace else for that matter’s website. I went in to Gamestop the other day to ask if they had a release date and it wasn’t even in their computer. What gives? You say it’ll be out by the end of the year and IGN implies that it’s already finished and THQ is preparing it to ship so I figured there would be a set release date by now. Is there one? If so, what is it?
Also I just got a silly looking new cell phone the other day and decided to spiffy it up a bit. Enjoy the RPA.
Cheers,
Flynn Taggart
If there is a release date, we don’t know it. We just know it’s supposed to be released sometime this year. But our traditional method of finding out that one of our GBA games has been released is by someone seeing it on the shelves and mentioning it to someone else, so we’re not unduly worried. At least it’s nice to know that Gamestop and EB aren’t any better informed than we are.
As for the voice, it’s just a shame that some of Mr. Pants’ more suggestive samples got taken out. Let’s just say that the ‘crayon snake’ was originally known as the ‘Pants snake’ and leave the rest up to your imagination.
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