Top 10 Rare Birds (That we’d love to eat)

#9. VAMPIRE CHICKEN GHOULIES

Wandering through a chicken coop at twilight can hardly be considered dangerous, except when it’s solely populated by a flock of feeding Vampire Chickens who have set their sights on Cooper’s neck in Grabbed by the Ghoulies. If we had our way however, a few cloves of garlic accompanied by a roasted Vampire Chicken sounds like something we can really sink our teeth into this Thanksgiving. Once the tables are turned we’ll have our revenge for the hours of having these beasts hop on our heads and begin their viscous necking pecking that would see our health fading fast. If you really want to send the point home for this one, revenge is a dish best served cold; be sure to roast until it’s hardly considered Blue Rare so you can savor all of its delicious flowing juices.

#8. SQUAWKS THE PARROT

Eat Squawks!? You mean the selfless Parrot that lit the Kongs way through gloomy mine shafts in Donkey Kong Country and risked being skewered against bramble and singed by lava in Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest? Yes, the very same. Now that you’ve bonded with Squawks through these trials, he won’t be any the wiser when you reach up and pluck him out of the air and make way for the stove. This perky parrot even comes with his own side that he’s brought along with him, and if you pop him into the oven in time you’ll wind up with roasted nuts to go with the meal! Make sure they get an even coat of salt by peering at the shaken Squawks through the glass and licking your lips; his tears should manage to give everything a nice glaze over.

#7. HEGGY THE STOP ‘N’ SWOP HEN

While Squawks might provide enough sustenance for a single lonely Thanksgiving, you can either go big or go home with Heggy the Hen. First introduced in Banjo-Tooie, Heggy’s key role was to provide players with her hatchery abilities on the hidden “Banjo-Kazooie” Cartridges that purported to have the original Eggs from the original title inside (they didn’t). Along with this aggravation came the irritation of watching helplessly each time you brought an Egg into Heggy’s only for the Hen to walk as slowly as possible to the appropriate nests. Thankfully this lack of speed fits the bill if you plan on snatching her up for your dinner, as Heggy likely runs as fast as she walks. Come to think of it, this all might be done solely out of spite for the ill-fated Stop ‘N’ Swop…

#6. DRUMSTICK THE ROOSTER

As the famous play-write Billy Shakes once quipped, “What’s in a name?” and to answer that rhetorical question we offer up Rares slickest racing rooster Drumstick from Diddy Kong Racing with a handle that can be featured on our Thanksgiving menus. But a larger question remains still: what do Drumstick’s drumsticks taste like? Well if you can remember back to the prologue of Diddy Kong Racing you’ll recall that this chill chicken wound up racing the evil swine Wizpig to reclaim the rights of Timber Island early on in the adventure only to be transformed into a frog when he had lost. It was only after Diddy and friends had restored Drumstick to his former glory that he would go onto taste just like chicken, with a hint of frogs legs of course…

#5. EYRIE THE ELEPHANT EAGLE

During the original Banjo-Kazooie adventure, the duo were tasked with raising Eyrie the Eagle after hatching him from his massive egg in Click Clock Wood. While a tearful goodbye was soon to follow, it was for all the wrong reasons as sentiment was second only to regret that they hadn’t seen the big guy to a dinner plate. Think about it for a second, even as an infant, Eyrie absolutely towered over Banjo who happens to be a bear. If you could find an oven capable of roasting this big cluck you’d have a table set for an entire neighborhood! As the weeks progressed you’d find yourself making up holidays just for the chance to have guests help polish off Eyries’ leftover bits. “Happy Tuesday, everyone,” you’d say loosening your belt, “Grab a leg and split it with a street.”

#4. EXPRESSO THE OSTRICH

Akin to Squawks fate mentioned above, Expresso also played the vital role of an Animal Buddy in the original Donkey Kong Country title and Donkey Kong Land for Game Boy before mysteriously vanishing without a trace for the remainder of the trilogy. We like to think that the Kong family wised up and rode Expresso straight to the main course, burying their heads into their plates as he would have done into the sand. Fortunately for Expresso enthusiasts, a second ostrich did finally manage to make an appearance in Donkey Kong Country 2 for Gameboy Advance under the title Expresso II, which pretty much confirms our theory. You wouldn’t argue with an Ape, would you? The Kongs have a capital on real fast food, now dig in to some fresh Expresso.

#3. BUNCHES OF BANANA BIRDS

While you could argue that the above entries wouldn’t be nearly as appetizing as we make it sound, first off you’ve never had Squawkabobs or Charbroiled Champion Chicken, and secondly it’s impossible to claim that you haven’t thought about snacking on a Banana Bird. Introduced in Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s Double Trouble the Banana Birds were a race of half-birds and half delicious, as their bodies were comprised of a single banana with the peels just starting to strip away. Imagine the kind of willpower that Dixie and Kiddy had to exert just to stop their killer instincts from reaching up and ramming one of them into their faces, and we all know Kiddy totally thought about doing it when the Banana Bird Queen was turned, the scamp!

#2. CLUCKLES THE CHICKEN PIÑATA

So you’re sitting down to a quiet Thanksgiving dinner with the folks and your knife hits something solid as you carve into the Turkey. Puzzled, you reach in past the stuffing and withdraw a single piece of wrapped candy from inside. This would be a reality if you lived on Piñata Island during the events of Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise as this chocolate chocked chicken is filled to the brim with sweet stuff. While you’re celebrating a bit of Halloween with surprise candy during your Thanksgiving dinner you might as well start off the night by wrapping up Cluckles entirely in wrapping paper to take advantage of Christmas too. Only then can we fully realize the full scale tradition of Christurkenween as a sacred and downright delicious holiday.

#1. KAZOOIE THE RED CRESTED BREEGUL

Enough characters have silently wished that the wisecracking co-star of Banjo-Kazooie would wind up on a platter, and while we appreciate her humor, we’ve all wondered what Kazooie would taste like. Just imagine the countless recipes calling for boiled Breegul, or Red Crested Watercress Sandwiches! After you’ve finished removing all of the Jigsaw Puzzle pieces from her gullet you’ll have found the fruits of your labor stored away inside; literally hundreds of eggs just waiting to be enjoyed as well. While the absence of a neck might be a bit troublesome for her Egg Firing technique, we’d imagine that her Back Bomb technique will have survived her. Just think of the expression on your Aunts face when you swat Kazooies’ back and send a Blue Egg hurtling across the room!

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