Top 5 Insidious Rare Aliens (That Totally Acted Like Jerks)
Shortly after touching down on the rusty landscape of Mars earlier this week, the voyeuristic Curiosity Rover decided to take a break from examining dusty rocks and sent us back a grainy image of an alien being traversing the red planet like it was nobodies business. Unfortunately for those hoping to make contact, careful scrutiny revealed the alien to be little more than a bit of dust kicked up from the initial landing sequence.
While this is a crushing blow to Martian enthusiasts, anyone familiar with Rare‘s common depiction of space savvy travelers let out a sigh of relief. With world domination finding itself at the top of most agendas and popular phrases like “Take me to your leader…” followed by “…so that I may exterminate him.”, these extra-terrestrials go the extra mile in probing humanity for unrequited co-operation. The Martians have landed, and they’re total pillocks!
These are the Top 5 Insidious Rare Aliens (That Totally Acted Like Jerks).
#5. LEARNING THE UNGRATEFUL ALIEN CUSTOMS – BANJO-TOOIE (N64)
Left stranded at the bottom of Jolly Rogers Lagoon after running out of fuel, and separated from their children after they ejected from the faltering craft, aliens Alph, Beti and Gammo can only sit idly by while their ship remains grounded in the depths. Luckily Banjo and Kazooie happen to be passing through the Lagoon en-route to a showdown with their warty nemesis, and don’t mind lending a hand to help out some space-faring strangers. After refueling their UFO and assisting them in reviving and rescuing their kin, Alph commends the heroes on a job well done, adding that he’ll have to exterminate them for taking so long. Fortunately Alph‘s laser is nowhere to be found, and so the Bear and Bird are sparred annihilation. Strange way to thank us for saving your family…
#4. INTERGALACTIC SPACE HOG INVADES TIMBER ISLAND – DIDDY KONG RACING (N64)
While he might not look like your typical alien menace, antagonist Wizpig of Diddy Kong Racing is in fact an extra-terrestrial, and also a wizard, and a pig. Zipping around in a spacecraft that strongly resembles his own face, Wizpig travels the Universe conquering any planet that he fancies, brainwashing the inhabitants and carrying out his tyranny indefinitely. It’s unknown how many planets he managed to conquer before coming across Timber Island, though he must have gotten bored enough to establish his reich through his ability to run around race circuits. Even when he is finally bested in a final race for the whole of Timber Island, he hardly takes his leave peacefully – piloting his ship around the shores of the Island, blasting away at the inhabitants while they celebrate their victory. That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
#3. EVEN DATADYNE CAN’T TRUST THE SCHEMING SKEDAR – PERFECT DARK (N64)
Known for their warmongering across the galaxy, the insidious Skedar race has been directly responsible for the extinction of several alien species. Pairing up with the militant dataDyne megacorporation in the first Perfect Dark title, the Skedar race intends to raise a Cetan ship from the ocean floor with the help of head Cassandra De Vries, providing her with incredible alien technology and munitions in return. Unbeknownst to dataDyne, the Skedar have an ulterior agenda all their own, with the Cetan ship harboring a doomsday device that they wish to test on Earth before continuing their ongoing feud with the Maian aliens. After kidnapping Casandra De Vries when things start to go pear-shaped, the Skedar retaliate against the Carrington Institute for botching their plans in global destruction.
#2. MIND SPARING SOME FUEL FOR OUR DOOMSDAY DEVICE? – CAPTAIN SKYHAWK (NES)
Envisioning Earth as a refined fuel source, a race of gormandizing aliens soon invade the planet to leech the supply dry for their mother ship. While we might be sympathetic if the aliens were sapping some energy to fuel their ships to return home to their own planet, the mother ship harbors an immense laser cannon, which like the Skedar of aforementioned Perfect Dark, the aliens intend to use to destroy the planet in a single blast. Relying on titular hero Captain Skyhawk, the last defenses of Earth task him with singlehandedly braving the alien menaces and severing any links to their mothership, much to the chagrin of the leeching aliens. Sending waves of extra-terrestrial resistance against the sole fighter pilot, these aliens just haven’t quite grasped the concept of not biting the hand that feeds you.
#1. ACROSS THE UNIVERSE, EVERYONE HATES US IT SEEMS – JET PAC REFUELLED (XBOX 360)
Tasked with piloting his irreparable ship across the cosmos, Jetman of Jetpac and Live Arcade release Jetpac Refuelled is looking for anything but intelligent life – as every pitstop and breakdown that leaves the pilot stranded on some strange alien world brings with it a welcoming committee of hostile aliens, hellbent on keeping Jetman grounded. If piecing together his ship and refueling it for the long journey ahead was enough solace to keep exploring the universe, every single planet that Jetman has the displeasure of exploring seems worse than the last. From Brainnest on Mias to Outpost Kazooie, the arrival of Jetman seems to sound alarms throughout the cities and towncenters, heralding everyone and their alien brother to come run headlong into his space helmet. Please, we’re just here to leave as quick as possible!
Categories: Top 5 Lists
0 Comments
This post has been left all alone with no comments. Don't leave it lonesome - give it some company with a comment.