Top 5 Best Rare Taverns (St. Patrick’s Day Special)
Ed. Note: In observance of St. Patrick’s Day, the following list has been written while intoxicated: comprehension may vary.
Shady, a bit dim and smelling of ash and crushed potential, you do make up a pretty good bar analogy – and what luck, it’s St. Patrick’s Day! As you prepare for a night of social embarrassment and awkward advances, the most pressing manner will likely be where you’ll spend your hard earned dosh for a pint of ill-looking green ale. If you can’t decide, or you haven’t been invited anywhere, then join us for a night of drunken debauchery in the most exclusive of dives, as we scrutinize the virtual establishments that Rare has had on tap for years. As an added bonus to keep things festive, take a drink as you read each entry on this list; twice for each time I manage to grovel in a desperate heartfelt plea to a distant ex-girlfriend.
Please take me back, Joanna, I can change! These are the Top 5 Best Rare Taverns.
#5. THE EXCLUSIVE PUMPKIN CAFE – KAMEO: ELEMENTS OF POWER (XBOX 360)
Deep within the Forgotten Forest Glade, hidden above the village inside a vast cavern, the Pumpkin Café can be found by those who seek it in Kameo: Elements of Power. Unfortunately due to the Troll resurgence, the Café has run low on supplies and can only serve tribal residents of the village, leaving Kameo dry – but if you’re rather sore from your lack of questionable Pumpkin Juice, Mystery Soup or Forest Surprise you can always start a bar brawl with the drinking tribals using Pummelweed‘s jabs . If you’re in the mood for a bit of music however, the Pumpkin Café also houses a popular jukebox in the corner of the pub that plays additional music never realized in the final game. Five coins will allow you play any track you desire, coaxing the Café‘s patrons into a quick fit of clumsy dancing for the duration of the chosen melody.
To Distant Lands – Kameo: Elements of Power (Steve Burke)
#4. KILLIAN’S TRIAD HONG KONG NIGHTCLUB – PERFECT DARK ZERO (XBOX 360)
Mimicking so many drinking nights before her, Joanna Dark relies on a fake ID to infiltrate and stakeout this bustling Nightclub in the heart of Hong Kong, though her prerogatives are a little more structured than typical teenage misadventures. Tasked with rescuing her father, Joanna will need to ascend through the multi-leveled floors of the Nightclub, each with its own VIP suite, well-stocked wineries and deadly assassins. Breaching the club is simple enough, with the back entrance allowing the budding bounty hunter to sleuth inside completely undetected, though if you’d rather clear the club of its innocent civilians, you can put a damper on the evening with a quick pull of the fire alarm. If you’re feeling particularly destructive, you can make it a mission to destroy every last champagne bottle and shot glass. Act your age, Joanna!
Limelight – Perfect Dark Zero (Dave Clynick & Kepi and Kat)
#3. BLACKWYCHE VILLAGES’ OUTLAW INN – SABREWULF (GAMEBOY ADVANCE)
Situated in the village square in the middle of dense undergrowth, The Outlaw Inn supplies Blackwyche‘s residents with brews and blends of all size and description. Hardly one to let his age keep him from a good time, Sabreman is a notoriously heavy drinker, so when local Tom Leaf challenges him to a drinking contest, it’s nearly impossible for the aging adventurer to decline. So which lager does Sabreman wager, and does Tom prevail with his ale? In suitably British fashion, the drink of choice is a bit of piping tea, which is guzzled by both Sabreman and self-proclaimed reigning ‘Tea-drinking Champion of the World’, Tom Leaf. After a heated match sees Sabreman the victor, Leaf admits defeat, fearful of challenging the spry pith-garbed old timer, whom he deems “Drinks like a fish”. Last call Tom, and this one is for the Empire!
Just Visiting – Sabrewulf (Robin Beanland)
#2. JOLLY ROGER’S TAVERN – BANJO-TOOIE (NINTENDO 64)
Acting as the sole proprietor for his charming seaside town, Jolly Roger also works the counter for his own bar in the town square. Easily beating out the competition of vying Pawno’s Emporium and Blubber’s Wave Race Hire, Jolly’s is where the Bear and Bird can spend their hard-earned doubloons renting a room or looking over the the suggestible menu for homemade dishes. Akin to its forested counterpart, Jolly‘s also houses a jukebox, though its selection is more vast with every song in the game featured on its playlist. Each track will spur Jolly into dancing atop the counter, a sight that is worth getting the machine functional. In the back room and you’ll find a rather wobbly pirate named Captain Blackeye who will treat the duo to some nautical gibberish and slurred palaver when he’s had too much. Hey, just like dad!
Jolly’s Bar – Banjo-Tooie (Grant Kirkhope)
#1. THE COCK & PLUCKER – CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY/CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED (N64/XBOX 360)
Unlike the previous entries on this list which require a bit of legwork to visit, the Cock & Plucker is where Conker‘s ill-fated adventure begins, acting appropriately as the campaign selection screen. As you tour the tavern as an uneasy and intoxicated Conker you’ll whip around to face an entrance to the Options, Multiplater and File Selection settings. If you’re looking for an authentic pub experience, this is the closest you’ll get; the low murmur of discussion and drunken guffaws, busty barmaids looking on a bit disinterested, slow and tired music lingering on well into the night. Perhaps the most realistic outcomes are showcased by Conker himself, who manages to leave the pub completely squirrelly after drinking far too much, only to awake later on with a side-splitting hangover in return. That’s what St. Patrick’s Day is all about!
The Cock & Plucker – Conker: Live & Reloaded (Robin Beanland)
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