Top 5 Helpless Characters Who Upstaged Us (By Taking On The Final Boss)
by Lerako on Jan 18th, 2012
Incompetent supporting cast members in Rare titles are found a dime a dozen; always wanting something, or needing your help to solve some arbitrary task – it’s little wonder that Banjo isn’t tearing out fistfuls of hair when he meets up with yet another character that needs his help. Sometimes these characters can surprise us however, for beneath their trembling and frightened exterior lies a roaring animal trying to claw its way out. Sometimes these vulnerable characters will offer a bit of solace when we’re in a tight squeeze, like the Banana Fairies of Donkey Kong 64 who top off your ammunition when photographed, whereas others will leave us with our jaw hovering just above the floor as they do something unprecedented like take on the final boss! This is a list dedicated to the latter, for the characters who sat in a rut the entire game only to pull through and carry out a task that even the protagonists were helplessly incapable. Thanks for waiting until the very end of the game anyways, these are the Top 5 Helpless Characters That Upstaged Us (By Taking On The Final Boss).
#5. GHOULHAVEN COOK MA SOUPSWILL – GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES
The culinary arts are something to be had in even the most haunted of Kitchens, which explains the appearance of cowardly cook Ma Soupswill in Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Even with a protagonist that nearly has a heart attack every time he rounds a bend, Cooper can’t hold a candle to the cook – who crouches in a trembling heap when a few rogue Fire Imps fly into her Kitchen. Incapable of grabbing the Fire Extinguisher that lies just a few inches away, Ma Soupswill tasks Cooper with clearing out the Kitchen on two separate occasions; the first time meeting her to make a smashing first impression, and the second right before she hands Cooper the wrong ingredients to turn his beloved into a Ghoulish Ogre. Still, she comes through in spades during the final cutscene wherein Cooper is nearly dinner for one hundred Imps before the Cook intervenes with her massive wooden spoon and takes on every Imp singlehandedly. Still, Cooper is unconscious for the entire event, so it could all be a dream sequence where Ma Soupswill was helpful for once.
#4. ZE PROFESSOR VON KRIPLESAC – CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY
While this nutty professor doesn’t meet up with Conker during his titular Bad Fur Day adventure until the Red Squirrel reaches the end, Ze Professor is somewhat an indentured servant that works tirelessly for the final boss – his own boss – The fabled Fairy Panther King. Motivated to work around the clock only out of fear from a heady punishment involving Duct Tape, Ze Professor is the father of many inventions that Conker comes to find during his adventure including Anti-Gravity Chocolate and the Tediz Army. Stuck in the rut of servitude, this wheelchair bound rodent is at the Panther King‘s every beck and call, which comes to a sudden end when Conker and the King prepare to face off against each other. After clutching his stomach and groaning persistently, the Panther King is instantly killed when Ze Professor‘s latest invention – a xenomorph named Heinrich – bursts from within his chest. Without this fatality, it’s likely Conker would be left tossing bog roll at the Panther King to no avail.
#3. K. LUMSY THE KREMLING – DONKEY KONG 64
He’s big. He’s bad. He’s bawling his eyes out! K. Lumsy the gargantuan Kremling crossed paths with the DK Crew during the events of Donkey Kong 64. Locked inside a massive cage with 8 locks, it was up to Donkey and friends to beat all of the worlds’ bosses and earn the keys that would free K. Lumsy from his personal prison. Until that time came however, the Kremling would spend his time sobbing and traipsing about his cage like a toddler in time out, treating any Kong that entered his domain to an endless wailing session. K. Lumsy‘s redemption comes swiftly however, as freeing the big lug will allow him to exact his revenge on King K. Rool, who has taken to escaping in his airship. After a brief chase around DK Isle, a large boulder trips up K. Lumsy who swats King K. Rool out of the air, allowing the Kongs to have their final battle with the regal Kremling. Even after a stunning blow that sends the King skyward from the arena, he finishes his descent into K. Lumsy‘s domain where the final blow sends him whimpering into the air.
#2. FLOYD THE DROID – JET FORCE GEMINI
Sure, Floyd the Droid may side with the Jet Force Gemini team but he’s little more than a pair of eyes with a helicopter on top. He doesn’t even have arms! A stiff breeze would likely cause him to spin out of control and end up on some hostile alien world, never mind a concerted effort from a solid swat or something. Even during play he did little more than fly over your shoulder and take part in navigating a few narrow chasms, though his real claim to fame comes when you’ve managed to defeat the Insect tyrant Mizar at the end of the game. While Mizars fall spells the end of a long line of insecticide warfare, there still is the pressing issue of an Asteroid on a beeline for Planet Earth! With little time to spare, Floyd offers his own life to tunnel deep into the Asteroid and blow himself up from the inside. Lacking a better solution, the Jet Force team send off Floyd for his final mission that will go on to save all of Planet Earth. We hope that he was at least mentioned at the end celebrations when the Gemini team are rewarded their medals…
#1. THE ALMIGHTY JINJONATOR – BANJO-KAZOOIE
There isn’t much to favor with the Jinjo‘s of Banjo-Kazooie fame; their constant pleas for help, their near lethal locations that you’ll need to brave in order to rescue them, and their high pitched whistling they use to call you over, all valid reasons for trying to hide the bloody things away in the first place. But after you’ve assaulted your own ears for nine levels trying to find them all, it comes time to face off against Gruntilda the Witch atop the precarious heights of her tower. While the daring duo may have done well in making it this far, sheer mettle won’t have them surviving Gruntilda‘s constant onslaught of spells and after a lengthy battle, all looks lost for the grounded Bear and Bird. That is however, until all of the Jinjo Obelisks that have appeared on the tower have been utilized, and the fabled Jinjonator statue has risen from the center of the tower. After a few divebombs from the Jinjonator‘s beak, he rears back for one final charge, which knocks Gruntilda off of the tower. Not bad for the once feeble Jinjos…
Categories: Top 5 Lists
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