Top 5 Best Hidden Arses in Rare Games

by Lerako on Jun 12th, 2020

Arses. Everyone has them, and for the most part we’ve kept them well out of sight. If you know where to look however, you’ll find that Rare has secretly hidden away the word ‘arse’ in a handful of their greatest titles.
Until now, it seemed that these cryptic easter eggs were nothing more than just a cheeky bit of fun, but after years of cross-examining each entry and investing our time like an Arse Archaeologist (Arseaeologist?) we can confirm with complete certainty that it’s nothing more than just a cheeky bit of fun. Nevertheless, we’re here to deliver unto you the culmination of our extensive search into this manner, in the hopes that you can someday nudge a friends shoulder while you’re playing the following titles and enthusiastically exclaim, “Oi, look up there. Says ‘bum’ innit?”.
These are the Top 5 Best Hidden Arses in Rare Games.

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#5. MR. PANTS’ DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE ARSE TREATS – GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES (XBOX)

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There are a number of references and tributes to Rare’s affable website mascot, Mr. Pants found throughout Grabbed by the Ghoulies, but arguably the most memorable appearance has him acting as a spokesperson on boxes of Mr. Pants Chocolate Treats. The questionable product can be found inside the Pantry and Dunfiddlin Cottage, but it’s the former that serves the best possible view of some overlooked text. If you’re playing through Cooper’s romp via Rare Replay, the improved visuals will allow you to glimpse the side of the box nearest the vined challenge door. If you look closely, you’ll notice that there are a few nonsensical characters to give the appearance of a text string, and just underneath it is the word “ARSE!”. We wouldn’t expect any less from Mr. Pants.

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#4. RITH ESSA, DWARF PLANET OR A CHEEKY MOON? – JET FORCE GEMINI (NINTENDO 64)

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If you consider yourself something of an astronomer, you’ll find that Jet Force Gemini pays tribute to familiar celestial terms with its naming conventions, like Lupus, Mizar, Vela, or Floyd the Droid. Scratch that last one actually, that’s just a really rad name any way you look at it. The planets in Jet Force Gemini also take their inspiration from real-world terms, through they’ve been given cryptic anagrams to hide their hilariously crass origins. With this in mind, the zombified world of ‘Tawfret’ turns into ‘Wet Fart’ when you switch the letters around. Our favorite anagram however, and the one which satisfies the parameters of this list, is the mining world ‘Rith Essa’. Stop and swap a few letters around and you’re left with ‘Shit Arse’, which is almost as cool as Floyd the Droid.

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#3. CHEAT ARSE NEVER PROSPER – BANJO-TOOIE (NINTENDO 64)

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After discovering that Cheato the spellbook had helped the bear and bird duo in their previous adventure, Gruntilda ripped out a number of his pages and scattered them throughout the Isle O’ Hags. Fortunately the pages can be collected again, and redeemed inside the Code Chamber. Serving a similar purpose to the Sandcastle floor in Banjo-Kazooie, this hidden area in Banjo-Tooie will allow players to use the large alphabetic tiles to spell out secret cheats through the use of Egg Aiming. While the placement of the letters look completely random at first glance, you’ll find that the top row is the only one that hides a hidden message with its purposeful order. Reading the first four tiles left to right appears to spell “ESRA” – if you instead read them from right to left, you’ll get “ARSE”.

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#2. GOLD STARS FOR THE CLASSIC WEAPSONS ARSENAL – PERFECT DARK (NINTENDO 64)

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Serving as GoldenEye 007‘s spiritual successor, it shouldn’t come as a shock that Perfect Dark has plenty of ties to the original Nintendo 64 shooter included as hidden bonuses. For instance, the “Facility” map has been faithfully recreated in Joanna’s world, though it’s been deliberately retitled as “Felicity”. One of the largest nods to the previous Bond mission exists in a set of weapons that can be appropriately unlocked after getting a ‘Gold’ star rating on every weapon in the Firing Range. In a similar case to “Felicity”, you’ll find that Bond’s arsenal has been subtly renamed; you’ll have the KLO1313 in place of the Klobb, the RC-P45 rather than a RC-P90, and most laughably, the AR53 instead of the AR33. If you’re stuck on this one, reading ’53’ as ‘SE’ will clue you in on the joke.

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#1. FINE PRINT IS AN ABSOLUTE PAINT IN THE ARSE – CONKER: LIVE & RELOADED (XBOX)

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It can be a bit difficult to find some of the subtle vulgarities in Conker: Live & Reloaded, mostly because the characters you’ll encounter are pretty %#$*king up-front about it. However, if you can stumble through to the Barn Boys chapter until you arrive at “Mad Pitchfork” you’ll find an easter egg hidden from prying eyes. Once you’ve entered the barn, you’ll witness Franky the Pitchfork speaking with Ron and Reg, a sentient Paint Pot and Paintbrush respectively. When you approach the trio, Ron and Reg will pretend to be inanimate as you match wits with Franky. Avoid the fight and leap up on their shelf instead; you should be able to take a close look at Ron’s ingredients listing. What’s that entry just above a line cussing you out? It’s the word ‘Arse’, of course. Marvelous.

Categories: Top 5 Lists