Top 5 Best Miserable Minions

#4. PETE’S CRONIES – MICKEY’S RACING ADVENTURE (GAME BOY COLOR)

There are certain perks when you find yourself in the magical world of Disney animation but being a henchman isn’t one of them. Pete‘s aptly-named ‘Cronies’ have found their niche in Mickey’s Racing Adventure where they’ll drive around in souped-up speedsters and generally cause a ruckus as baddies are wont to do. Rather than have his minions backed by his expertise in racing, lazy Pete tasks his elite force of minions with doing all of his chores for him, which includes racing through each and every track putting their lives at risk and even a bit of petty theft when they roam about the town. It ultimately comes back to bite them when Mickey and Co. add an arsenal of powerful weapons and gadgets to their cars, wasting them all on the cronies and leaving Pete unscathed. These guys should definitely unionise.

 #3. GENERAL SCALES – STARFOX ADVENTURES (NINTENDO GAMECUBE)

With a handle like General Scales, you’d expect this determined dino to head an entire legion of war-hardened SharpClaws. In the grand scheme of things, General Scales finds himself acting the miserable minion under the rule of Starfox favorite, Andross. Reduced to little more than a vengeful spirit since the last adventure, Andross has taken to using General Scales as a pawn to declare war on the Dinosaur Planet, Sauria. While the SharpClaws continue to bulk their forces and pose an imminent threat to Starfox and crew, their promising ascent is immediately snatched away when Andross decides to sacrifice the General in order to settle an old score with Starfox himself. To make matters worse, it’s heavily implied that the SharpClaws had turned on the General in the end as well.

 #2. KAOS – DONKEY KONG COUNTRY 3: DIXIE KONGS DOUBLE TROUBLE (SUPER NINTENDO)

Following in the wake of General Scales, a bit of an identity crisis is had with KAOS, the robotic overlord and purported boss of Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong’s Double Trouble. Constructed from the very best pots and pans from an unseen Mrs. K. Rool, it would seem that KAOS‘ only role in the third Kong quest was to ensure that King K. Rool didn’t get himself too injured as the prime apes wasted their efforts on this oversized oil drum stand-in. Things get worse for this miserable minion as it turns out that the captured Donkey Kong and Diddy were held in its shell, and with K. Rool controlling every action from his control booth it would seem that the Kongs were helpless to the impending Dixie and Kiddy beatdown. You just can’t trust malevolent automation or rotund scaly lizards these days …

 #1. KLUNGO – BANJO-KAZOOIE (NINTENDO 64)

If dedication were measured in bruises, then, well, Klungo would have already made himself a fairly sound case. Serving as Gruntilda‘s right hand masochistic minion, Klungo has remained by her side through thick and thin. Even when the witch was buried alive, Klungo fruitlessly tried to shift the massive boulder keeping her at bay each day for more than two years! After Gruntilda does manage to rise from her grave, she rewards Klungo‘s faithful dedication by leaving the minion behind, instructing him to defeat Banjo and Kazooie or risk getting a Grunty-sized beating. With each subsequent failure, Klungo brushes himself off and returns to the witch for his punishment, only to come back for more bruises when he fails to defeat the bear and bird duo the next time. Dedication will leave you deadicated, Klungo!

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