Top 5 Mismatched Rare Couples
by Lerako on Feb 14th, 2012
Expensive chocolates, fragrant flowers and glittering jewelery. Luckily you’ve managed to avoid having any of the above as your hapless lonesome self spends yet another Valentine’s Day alone – but don’t feel too bad about it Gov; think of all the games from Rare you’ll be able to buy with the money you’ve saved! Thus continues a viscous cycle really, but in order to get your mind off of potential crushes and stalking victims that you’ve had in mind, we’re here to point out the inherent flaws in several Rare relationships that have blossomed and wilted like an unnatural abomination before our very eyes. It can’t all be Romeo and Juliet clearly, and perhaps it’s the cold and distant programmers and playtesters at Rare yearning for the opposite sex venting their frustration into characters to live on with crushed ambitions and low standards. Still, love will find a way, and indeed as opposite as these uncouth characters may be, they still go on to make great couples in our games. These are the Top 5 Mismatched Rare Couples who have sauntered into our hearts to prove that it’s the inside that counts, and in some cases not their repugnant outer appearances – just like mum and dad!
#5. COOPER CHANCE AND AMBER – GRABBED BY THE GHOULIES
Lead protagonist Cooper Chance of Grabbed by the Ghoulies fame is hardly a Casanova – within the first few minutes of the introduction, Cooper has managed to get himself and his girlfriend, Amber lost in the woods where she’s left to carry around the boulder-sized backpack by her lonesome. Cooper does manage to come through in a pinch however, as he makes headway for Ghoulhaven Hall to rescue his dearly beloved from the clutches of the awful Ghoulies when she’s captured. When things turn for the worst and Amber finds herself transformed into a repulsive green Ghouly, Cooper concerns himself with exploring the massive manor in hopes of a cure. After his soupy solution goes a bit pear shaped and Amber instead is transformed into a towering ogre, Cooper sticks it through to reverse the effects of his ill-tempered temptress. Sure, the gender roles may be turned on their head with Coopers cowardly nature and Ambers biting cynicism, but sometimes opposites attract!
#4. CONKER THE SQUIRREL & BERRI – CONKER’S BAD FUR DAY
Conker‘s relationship with his girlfriend Berri is perhaps only rivaled by the one he shares with alcohol on a nightly basis. After a particularly heavy session of binge drinking at the Cock and Plucker, our scarcely sober squirrel awakens to find himself far away from home to contend with a side splitting hangover and catty condescending Berri is kidnapped from her home. While Conker initially sets out for some shuteye, the two have their paths inevitably cross when Conker frees Berri from the Rock Solid club. While there’s more mismatching to this couple than their contrasting height, things come to a sudden head when Berri in unexpectedly murdered in front of Conker and the red squirrel seeks vengeance, eventually leading him to usurp the throne. While Conker has all of the money and land that he could possibly wish for, he just wants to return to the life he lead previously with Berri at his side. As the red squirrel puts it, “You don’t really know what it is you have, until it’s gone”
#3. JAMES BOND & NATALYA SIMONOVA – GOLDENEYE 007
MI6 Agent James Bond is anything but unfamiliar with seducing any female body into the bedroom, but Natalya Simonova seems quite the opposite for our secret agent. For starters, Natalya is a Soviet programmer with Bond hailing from Britain shortly after the events of Cold War. If tensions between their past wasn’t enough, they’re both unaware of who the enemy amongst them happens to be. When they are together however, Natalya acts the brains with her knowledge of the Goldeneye Satelite and computer spiking while Bond makes up for it by acting the brawn of the operation. After protecting Natalya in countless fire fights through the Bunker, pursuing her captors through St. Petersburg Streets and finally rescuing her from aboard an armored Train before it blows sky high, our helpless heroine can’t help but fall for the suave secret agent. Sharing an intimate moment in the Jungle, they lock lips for the entire duration of the credits. Finish the job James, if you can!
#2. BANJO & KAZOOIE – BANJO-KAZOOIE
Alright, there isn’t any sort of romantic infatuation between the Honeybear and Breegull stars of titular Banjo-Kazooie, and quite frankly we’re glad if not to spare ourselves from their terrible terrible interspecies furry flying offspring. Forgoing the Split-Up-Pad in Banjo-Tooie, the Bear and Bird are an inseparable tag-team duo that are about as mismatched as they come, with Kazooie a bantering shower of loud-mouthed sarcasm, and Banjo a mild mannered somewhat gullible contrast. Still, even with their daunting differences that can even be attributed to their personalities, they’re both working flawlessly together for a greater purpose. Their abilities also provide additional support for each other, whether Kazooie takes to the sky to allow Banjo a chance at flight, or the Bear dives into the depths to allow the Bird a lesson in swimming, together they stand as one couple with a powerful bond to do the impossible. It’s not love, but in lieu of the implications towards avian ursine progeny, it’ll do!
#1. KALUS & THORN – KAMEO: ELEMENTS OF POWER
During a great struggle between the Elfin Empire and the Troll Army, a powerful magic spell was cast that turned the Troll leader, Thorn, into stone. Lacking their leader, the Trolls fall came swift and sure, leading the Elfin Empire into a prosperous age. After the Elfin Queen Theena imparts the Elements of Power into Kameo, her sister, Kalus is sent into a fit of jealousy which culminates with her breaking the spell that holds Thorn prisoner with a kiss. Working alongside the Troll king, Kalus imprisons her family leaving only Kameo to take on the Troll army with her newly acquired abilities. Eventually seeing the err of her ways, Kalus seeks retribution in the final battle atop an airship by taking on Thorn herself and dealing the finishing blow with one final kiss. As both Fairy and Troll are turned to stone, they slide away from the airship and plummet down towards a vast ocean where they’ll spend the rest of eternity together at the bottom. Eat your novelty hearts out, Romeo & Juliet!
Categories: Top 5 Lists
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