Top 5 Most Humiliating Rare Dances
Welcome to the New Year, hoss. If our calculations are correct, you’re just waking up for the first time after three weeks spent in intoxicated stasis – now would be a great time to put on some pants! Of course, you wouldn’t have remembered too much about New Years Eve, so let’s recap: Before the fated ‘punch bowl’ incident, and just after the bit where you fell up the stairs, you decided to greet 2015 with the dance it deserved – a spectacle of disjointed and uncoordinated jerking that could be best described as an Octopus trapped in a wind tunnel. Don’t feel so bad though, there are far greater embarrassing dances to be found in Rare‘s titles, where rhythm, taste and decency are thrown to the wayside in favor of pure shame. Just take some solace that you’re not these guys. These are the Top 5 Most Humiliating Rare Dances.
#5. GIVING CREDIT TO THE BIG BUG FUN CLUB DISCO THROWDOWN – JET FORCE GEMINI (N64)
Blasting their way through the cosmos, the Jet Force Gemini team can find the bustling Big Bug Fun Club on planet Ichor, where the phat tunes on the decks must be ignored in favor of galactic security. Once they’ve managed to rescue every Tribal, and confronted Mizar however, the allure of the exclusive discotheque isn’t lost on the trio, who return during the credits. Breaking things down in the middle of the dance floor, Juno is forced to showcase his moves alone, which he makes up for by dancing enough to satisfy an entire club. Watching in stunned silence, Vela can only shake her head in disapproval – of all the horrors she’s witnessed across the universe, this is likely the most jarring. Fortunately the credits scene comes to a deserved halt after a few minutes, sparing everyone from Juno‘s inevitable twerking session.
#4. GOING APE FOR CANDY`S DANCE STUDIO – DONKEY KONG COUNTRY (GAME BOY ADVANCE)
With the Donkey Kong Country trilogy given a new lease on life with the Game Boy Advance, a new Kong quest could be found in Candy‘s Dance Studio that sought to replace her eponymous Save Point service. While Donkey and Diddy Kong could save at any time, what little remained of their dignity could not be salvaged after taking to the stage and jigging about just like real monkeys don’t. Perform well enough and you’d earn some extra lives to grovel over, finish poorly and Candy would claim you had two left feet, adding insult to injury. Somewhere in the surrounding bushes, Kremling would gather, sneering at the entire display – Donkey Kong may have beaten them three levels ago, but now he was struggling his way through a romp of synchronized embarrassment at the behest of his nephew and girlfriend.
#3. DANCING OUT OF STEP WITH PIGXIE`S ROMANCE DANCE – VIVA PIÑATA (XBOX 360)
It would be rather cruel to call the Pigxie Piñata a ‘freak of nature’, but because our morals are so questionable that’s exactly what we’ll do. This sought-after Piñata could become a resident after cross-romancing a Swanana and a Rashberry, their offspring representing everything wrong with the world. Once you had managed to breed two Pigxies into existence and satisfied their romance requirements, they would treat you to the most awkward and cringe-worthy romance dance in all of Viva Piñata. To start off, one of the Pigxie‘s is clearly suffering from a cripplingly low self-esteem, as it doesn’t even want to dance – shaking its head before its starts dancing against its will. The uncoordinated display continues as the band skips, leading to a crescendo where the poor Piñata looks just as depressed as before.
#2. ZHANG LI`S POST-MORTEM VICTORY DANCE OFF – PERFECT DARK ZERO (XBOX 360)
Corrupted by the immense power of the Graal, dataDyne founder Zhang Li serves as Joanna Dark‘s final target in avenging her fathers death. If the agent-in-training finds herself worse-off at the hands of Zhang Li however, the debriefing prompt won’t head back automatically as it usually does, and instead you’ll witness the demigod leaping about the Arena, indulging in his power. If you’re especially patient, Zhang Li will celebrate Joanna‘s untimely (and quite frankly paradoxical) demise with a victory dance, laughing hysterically as he mimics the ‘Limelight’ patrons found inside the Hong Kong nightclub during the second mission. You’ll have a constant view of the proceedings as the head of dataDyne vaults about the Arena, landing with a wallop and springing into his next cavort with a gale of laughter.
#1. THESE SHAMELESS DANCE MOVES ARE ANYTHING BUT LETHAL – KILLER INSTINCT (ARCADE)
Flawless Victories and elaborate No Mercy finishers are par for the course in Killer Instinct, it isn’t enough to absolutely obliterate your opponent during the course of the match, you’ll need to finish things off with style for an impressive victory. Enter the Humiliation Victory, a finishing move that forces your opponent to dance against their will in the most ridiculous fashion possible. You’ll need to retain your first bar of health in order to pull off a proper Humiliation, so only those who have spent the entire match beating their competition into submission will have a chance to send them reeling. Take a page from Zhang Li a groove along with the disco-inspired track with your own victory dance, just try to refrain from too much uncontrollable laughter…
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