Top 5 Rare Thanksgiving Gluttons
For our American audience, the arrival of November is not only punctuated by celebrating a rather rotund man in his underpants, but also aspiring to be him around friends and family as well. This second lesser-known holiday called Thanksgiving makes an annual festivity of eating as much Turkey as you possibly can, and then eating just a little bit more before lapsing into a carbohydrate coma. Not to be outdone with our previous recipe list for the Top 10 Rare Birds (That we’d love to eat), we’re bringing more to the table than ever before, with staggering feats of indulgence and impressive bouts of gorging prowess. Prepare to be amazed, then slightly nauseated, and then withdrawing a complete lack of indifference, with Rare‘s biggest eaters serving as a dire warning to what may become of your own Thanksgiving. These are the Top 5 Rare Thanksgiving Gluttons!
#5. DOLPHIN DINNER DASH – BANJO-KAZOOIE: GRUNTY’S REVENGE (GAME BOY ADVANCE)
Something lurks just beneath the waters, pained with hunger and an insatiable appetite for egg whites! The absolute horror of it all! If you’re feeling bold and brave in Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty’s Revenge, you’ll find a lone dolphin bobbing in Spiral Mere en route to Spiller’s Harbor, just waiting for a tasty treat from the Bear and Bird duo. You’ll be tasked with using your Breegul Blast ability to fire nearly a dozen eggs into his awaiting maw as he swims about the isle, greedily sucking back each shelled projectile with relish. In a span of about eight seconds, the dolphin will have managed to reach his bursting limit and lazily reclines into the waters. As far as were concerned, downing a dozen raw eggs in a single sitting is meant to be followed by a rigorous montage scene – if our appallingly massive collection of Stalone films are to be trusted…
#4. SQUIRRELING AWAY HIS NUTS (INSIDE HIS OWN STOMACH) – BANJO-KAZOOIE (N64)
It’s a wonder that fan favorite Nabnut the Squirrel managed to survive his first harsh winter in Click Clock Wood at all without intervention from Banjo and Kazooie. When the duo first meet the squandered squirrel in the Spring he hasn’t managed to collect enough acorns to store away for the cold snap, a task that happens to be fundamentally shared amongst all squirrels as a means of survival. Possibly acting out of pity, the Bear and Bird forage enough acorns to last Nabnut for the entire Winter – which the squirrel devours months before leaving him bloated and unable to move. Hardly learning from their mistakes, Banjo and Kazooie agree to collect several more acorns that will see the squirrel through the winter – or in his current state, rupturing his stomach when he digs into his newly foraged pile.
#3. RIPTOR’S FAT-ALITY LEAVES HIM HUNGRY FOR MORE – KILLER INSTINCT (ARCADE)
The stakes are high in UltraTech‘s Killer Instinct tournament as a roster of seasoned fighters go head to head, each with a stunning arsenal of lethal attacks that will see them to the final fight. Whether you choose to annihilate the competition without pausing for a beat, or taking them down with a showy finisher, it’s evident that fighting reptilian, Riptor, wants to make a meal out of his adversaries. If you can manage to end a round in a No Mercy scenario and sic Riptor on his stunned combatant, the lights will briefly fade as the ravished reptile devours his competition. As the scene illuminates in full, an engorged Riptor can be seen on the floor, massaging his distended stomach as he belches in triumph. Turkeys won’t cut it for this digesting dino, he’s a glutton for punishment and eats opponents his own size for breakfast!
#2. SCOFF ‘N’ TROFF ARE ABSOLUTELY TIPPING THE SCALES – DONKEY KONG 64 (N64)
It’s quite obvious that big blue hippo Scoff and his porkish partner Troff have a bit of a weight problem, though it might not be how you expect. With Troff tipping the scales unevenly, he’s been lowered away from a large key that unlocks a massive door to the levels end boss. The Kong‘s are therefore tasked with tipping the scales in Scoff‘s favor by feeding the ever-expanding hippo with their accumulated banana bunches until he manages to outweigh his corpulent companion. Hardly offering up a chance encounter, the duo manage to find themselves in the exact same predicament at the end of each level with their escalating weight craving more bananas offset the scales. In the end, 1,680 individual bananas will be offered to the bloated blue hippo, leaving the portly pig taking in an equal meal to outweigh his friend each and every time.
#1. SENTIENT SWISS CHEESE IS ONLY WAIFER-THIN – CONKERS BAD FUR DAY (N64)
When it comes to tails of overindulgence, Marvin the munching mouse in Conker’s Bad Fur Day takes the cheese. Tasking the red squirrel with collecting wedges of sentient swiss from across the barn, Marvin waits for Conker to complete a treacherous trek before devouring each piece with hardly a moment to savor the flavor. With each successful delivery, Marvin adds to his expanding waistline before tasking Conker with grabbing just one last wedge of cheese for dessert. Unfortunately for this insatiable vermin, the last wedge of cheese proves to be just too much for his stomach to handle! After a brief bout of intestinal discourse, Marvin‘s expanding stomach manages to explode in a shower of gore and gouda, sending bits of him flying like shrapnel! Keep this in mind as you unbutton your pants for Thanksgiving…
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